5/30/2006 c2 Alaurei
Beautiful work! I am so happy to see our group up and running again, especially through stories and not just forums!

First off, I love how you started the chapter almost making the reader think it was first person, but then take more of a third person. It really brings the reader in more and is creative as well. It's hard to find those unique introductions where they can grasp the reader with something original! Well done! I also have to say, the name of Connor Evanes is great because if you look at it, both first and last name are spelled in ways they may not normally be spelled. It is something that triggers the brain to recognise it, and therefore bring more interest. Interesting. :)

I also like Connor as a character. Starting off talking about dreams is nice because I love to just take a nap and dream a lot. It's just like reading because you can go off into your own world. Connor goes through that same thing, but I think his situation is a bit different. LoL. However, after reading the chapter, I am a bit confused, but that is expected after an introduction. I cannot wait to see where this story goes. Most definately!

I know this was just a starting chapter, but I almost wish it had more detai. You mention Farinia right off the bat, and of course that name stands out as different. I wish I knew what Farinia was like. Also, I don't know if I've said this before, but I think it's so neat how you start off your chapters with a quote. And, this was probably my favorite quote of all. Good choice!

Gah! The girl with the blank stare. Boy did she remind me of the girl from the Ring when I first read that. Creepy! Then again, the way she changes so suddenly in the end of the chapter amazes me. What a puzzling character. As soon as you describe her a bit, it's hard to forget her. Connor can read runes! (I don't know if you can tell, but I go through the chapter a second time as I review!) He somewhat reminds me of one of Sand's old characters that could read runes and symbols and stuff. Then again, Connor is so young and seems so different. Maybe he isn't, I don't know. They just seem connected. LoL.

I like how you build up on the mental pain Connor goes through during the meeting of the children. It begins as a low pounding he is hardly aware of, to soemthing of great pain where he can hardly keep concious. Great detail. Rigil, where did you come up with that name? Very unique. Almsot reminds me of some character in KH2...can't recall the name know. Oh well! I also find it interesting how he has these dreams about these children, and wehen he meets Astor, the boy comments on how they 'have' been reality. It makes me wonder if he really does meet these kids, but somehow forgets and thinks of them as dreams. Almost as if he wants to forget. You really know how to captivate a reader in such a short chapter!

Overall, great work Belle! I know you'll do great with this story and I can't wait to see where you take it. Good luck and best of wishes!

-Nicki

5/27/2006 c2 10Fiorenza
Interesting. I don't quite understand the meanings of a lot of what is said. The significance of Connor's former life, or the children with white hair. But it was very well told.

5/27/2006 c1 CrimZeo
u hav interestingly delicious buildup even in teh prologue, very nice