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for I've been trying to cry

3/9/2006 c1 15Kella Trams
Yes, this was a little raw. The rhyming is very nice and subtle so that you hardly notice it until the end but it still has a nice rhythm. I like the references you make to things only known to you. It makes the poem deeper. I kinda wanted more of that. There are a lot of things here which, I'm sure are very true to you, but they aren't yours alone. I would rework some of the word choice so that this poem is as true to you as it possibly can be, so that people don't say "oh, it's just another dark angsty poem." It's got that possibility in it. It just needs some spark. I like you referring to the fact that you are in fact writing a poem, especially the end. Infact the bit "So I push this last stanza and force it to stick" is exactly what I'm talking about. The poem needs more stick. Not much. Just a little.
3/3/2006 c1 858Anna178
well, one thing you're definitely good at is rhyming...or at least better than me. lol. I'm glad you could get something out, it's good for people, at least in my opinion.

Love you.

3/3/2006 c1 81Princess-anna57
Great poem, well done. Write on!


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