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10/11/2007 c1 12Nubtrof
It's got potential, but if possible try and avoid using the "with a ... face" after each quote, try and mix up dialogue with expression because sometimes through the words, people can get an expression, or at least an idea of what the character is feeling. It is good thus far, but as I said, refrain from being overly repetitive because it takes away from the story as a whole. It's effective to provide expressions for each line of dialogue, but if possible find another way. :)
12/5/2006 c1 Aqua Draegon
I like it. Although you did change from third to first person perspective in the middle. You've got an amazing talent!

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