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for Four Year One Month And One Day

3/9/2006 c1 51tdawgcars
Wow, very nice poem. I can deffinetly tell it came from the heart. I feel bad for you that you've been in foster care that long, but atleast you've got good freinds to help you through it. Well anyways, I really do like this poem. Very well writen, and I love the last line "But what we have, you can't have undone" I think that just ties it all together. Well, I think this is one of my longest reviews every. Lol. Nice job on the poem (for the third time)

BRANDON
3/8/2006 c1 15Kella Trams
This subject is obviously very close to your heart and you write it very tenderly and well. The rhyme scheme is a little inconsistent, but you might have wanted it that way.

This is my favorite part:"Four years one month and one day/My fathers paid for a daughter he can’t see/And each dollar is repaid with scars upon me"

I like that you separate each stanza with a line. I kinda shows that you are trying to organize your thoughts because of your confusion or something.

I think if you did a little work on the rhyming, like either making it more consistent or seeing if you could avoid stuff like "But with my forgiveness can fade" where you phrase things in a way you wouldn't normally, just so it'll rhyme, this could be really good.
3/8/2006 c1 81Princess-anna57
Wow. I can actually relate to this indirectly. Somehow! :( A well written poem. I admire you for sharing this! Keep writing!

~Anna~
3/8/2006 c1 858Anna178
Hey. I'm glad you managed to write about yourself, I think its good for people to express themselves somehow creatively. lol, god I sound retarded. There's nothing I can say that I haven't said before, and nothing that you coudn't predeict I would because we've known each other so long. And regardless of whats been done its hard not to love your parents sometimes. I can really relate to that with my mom. And there's always two sides, there's something good and bad.

ANNA

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