for Arctic Gaze3/17/2006 c1 
20Atoiks
awesome! powerful. I really liked it.The way you comapred nature to a person was really neat.
But (constructive critism), It was like too much going on, when you write a poem, you want the words to echo in the reader's mind. With that muhch going on, the reader has to jump from line to line, and doent have time to grasp the depth in the poem. And there is a lot of depth in this. If you 'slowed down' you're poems would be top notch!
b+
20Atoiksawesome! powerful. I really liked it.The way you comapred nature to a person was really neat.
But (constructive critism), It was like too much going on, when you write a poem, you want the words to echo in the reader's mind. With that muhch going on, the reader has to jump from line to line, and doent have time to grasp the depth in the poem. And there is a lot of depth in this. If you 'slowed down' you're poems would be top notch!
b+
3/17/2006 c1 1mothling
a bit heavy for me... don't worry, on fictionpress at least, it probably is just me. ;)
I liked this, but you have so many memorable images that it gets... too much, do you understand? some were very unique, others frankly cliched. And this lacks rhythm. It's a bunch of sentences. A few sentences in a poem isn't bad...poems may be all sentences even, yet the line breaks, et cetera, give it rhythm.
I liked your imagery, though. Very creative and inventive, fresh. I loved the line "Time flows only forward, not even memories can turn it back." It really stands out, as well as "too bad I’m frozen in your arctic gaze." (although that line, the last one, didn't seem to go with the line before it...?)
1mothlinga bit heavy for me... don't worry, on fictionpress at least, it probably is just me. ;)
I liked this, but you have so many memorable images that it gets... too much, do you understand? some were very unique, others frankly cliched. And this lacks rhythm. It's a bunch of sentences. A few sentences in a poem isn't bad...poems may be all sentences even, yet the line breaks, et cetera, give it rhythm.
I liked your imagery, though. Very creative and inventive, fresh. I loved the line "Time flows only forward, not even memories can turn it back." It really stands out, as well as "too bad I’m frozen in your arctic gaze." (although that line, the last one, didn't seem to go with the line before it...?)