for Life as a Girl6/10/2006 c4 
1Persistent Vegetative State
Congratulations, your story has been chosen to be showcased in The Fuzzy Squirrel.
1Persistent Vegetative StateCongratulations, your story has been chosen to be showcased in The Fuzzy Squirrel.
4/6/2006 c4 13BellezAzul
Hey! Sorry that it has taken me so long to review this! I have been busy! :)
So far so good... The chapters are short with a lot of dialouge. Not that that's a bad thing, but you need some more action in there. Also, are you planning to describe what the characters look like?
I don't know if you pick up on it, but sometimes when you say you, you write "U" instead of you. Man, that was a lot of you's in one sentence, eh?
But, I'm interested to see what happens between Chris and Alana. Also, are you going to go into detail with Bishop and John's relationship? I think you should :) Ok I think that's it! Update soon so I can see what happens!
13BellezAzulHey! Sorry that it has taken me so long to review this! I have been busy! :)
So far so good... The chapters are short with a lot of dialouge. Not that that's a bad thing, but you need some more action in there. Also, are you planning to describe what the characters look like?
I don't know if you pick up on it, but sometimes when you say you, you write "U" instead of you. Man, that was a lot of you's in one sentence, eh?
But, I'm interested to see what happens between Chris and Alana. Also, are you going to go into detail with Bishop and John's relationship? I think you should :) Ok I think that's it! Update soon so I can see what happens!
4/4/2006 c1 1Z'cole
Hey. Nice veiw on things(maybe this'll help the guys get a lead on you girls ;)... just kidding!) keep going, lets find out where this is heading, then I will write a better review
1Z'coleHey. Nice veiw on things(maybe this'll help the guys get a lead on you girls ;)... just kidding!) keep going, lets find out where this is heading, then I will write a better review
3/23/2006 c2 flies.like.decay
Okay, I'm not trying to be mean, because I'm not the best writer either, but I think your story could use a little work. Everything seems a little rushed. Plus you left out a few words. (I'm not really one to talk, but... Lol. Mine all run together!) It's also kind of annoying how she gets all excited over something and restates what happens. (Once again...Me. Lol.)
There's one sentence in particular that annoys me. "I was going to be late to work if I didn’t get in there on time." Isn't that kind of obvious? Lol. But like I said, I'm not one to talk and you could come cuss me out if my review really pisses you off. Lol. The story's pretty interesting though, so I shall be reading on. Lol.
Spaces for your health!...
Okay, I'm not trying to be mean, because I'm not the best writer either, but I think your story could use a little work. Everything seems a little rushed. Plus you left out a few words. (I'm not really one to talk, but... Lol. Mine all run together!) It's also kind of annoying how she gets all excited over something and restates what happens. (Once again...Me. Lol.)
There's one sentence in particular that annoys me. "I was going to be late to work if I didn’t get in there on time." Isn't that kind of obvious? Lol. But like I said, I'm not one to talk and you could come cuss me out if my review really pisses you off. Lol. The story's pretty interesting though, so I shall be reading on. Lol.
Spaces for your health!...