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3/25/2006 c1 apercu
"A beautiful story about bravery, bacteria, and a man’s undying love for dairy products."

Mold is caused by fungus not bacteria.

This is a script. Scripts are boring, they scream, "I cannot write!" They can only be pulled off if the plot is amazingly funny, which yours wasn't. Even good script-fics would be immensely better non-script.

This could be an interesting, humorous story if told from Percy's point of view. It would make it far more interesting. You could add in remorse for not taking care of the cheese, his frantic efforts not to eat the cheese, etc.
3/25/2006 c1 6FuzzyGrapes
Okay, see, I was reading this and I was like: A heartwarming story about cheese? Ookay.THen I read on and read this line: Percy: (quietly) I had to…cut off the mold.lol, lol, LOL! Pure genius! Love it!

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