for Resistance Is Not Futile8/10/2007 c1 
6Dreamof-Roses
Thanks for the noticing that the word "very" did not quite fit the rest of the poem... Very in this instance means actual, but it doesn't quite contrast with the tangled up contrived con artistry described in the poem.
The word "simple" works better with a double meaning of simplicity and childlikeness.
I've re-edited the verse.
Thanks!
6Dreamof-RosesThanks for the noticing that the word "very" did not quite fit the rest of the poem... Very in this instance means actual, but it doesn't quite contrast with the tangled up contrived con artistry described in the poem.
The word "simple" works better with a double meaning of simplicity and childlikeness.
I've re-edited the verse.
Thanks!
8/5/2007 c1 Kindre Turnany
I liked this one too. Great details.
But "very existence" is... I don't know what adjective I want, but I think it'd sound better without the "very."
I liked this one too. Great details.
But "very existence" is... I don't know what adjective I want, but I think it'd sound better without the "very."
3/29/2007 c1 243Manuel Fajar
Sometimes we are but the projection of someone's mind; that is, their projection of what we ought to be. So rare, so hard to be what we 'ought' to be. If we could pray for fulfillment of our 'self' then perhaps your words would be what I'd chant. m
243Manuel FajarSometimes we are but the projection of someone's mind; that is, their projection of what we ought to be. So rare, so hard to be what we 'ought' to be. If we could pray for fulfillment of our 'self' then perhaps your words would be what I'd chant. m
8/3/2006 c1 Chaos A. Mendel
The first two lines seem odd to me; are you trying to say "Your feigned sincerity hides contempt" or "In your feigned sincerity, you hide contempt". I think you need to pick one or the other.
This style seems very concise and to-the-point but, if that's the case, I feel like you could rid yourself of some adjectives. In stanza two, "tangled-up threadbare contrived safety net" seems a little too much.
Have you decided not to put punctuation in? I think it would help a lot with understanding what you're trying to get across to the reader.
Other than that, I'm still unsure about your message here but, then again, this is poetry; I don't have to. ;P
Thanks for the opportunity to R&R this, I really enjoyed reading it!
The first two lines seem odd to me; are you trying to say "Your feigned sincerity hides contempt" or "In your feigned sincerity, you hide contempt". I think you need to pick one or the other.
This style seems very concise and to-the-point but, if that's the case, I feel like you could rid yourself of some adjectives. In stanza two, "tangled-up threadbare contrived safety net" seems a little too much.
Have you decided not to put punctuation in? I think it would help a lot with understanding what you're trying to get across to the reader.
Other than that, I'm still unsure about your message here but, then again, this is poetry; I don't have to. ;P
Thanks for the opportunity to R&R this, I really enjoyed reading it!
3/27/2006 c1 4run rabbit run
very cool! i loe the sand-shifting belief-scape... what a neat line. heh. very awesome stuff... my stuff inspired this? huh... well, uh, cheers! my cat Akh thinks it's good too. )sitting on my lap messing with stuff while i type.)cheers-rabbit
4run rabbit runvery cool! i loe the sand-shifting belief-scape... what a neat line. heh. very awesome stuff... my stuff inspired this? huh... well, uh, cheers! my cat Akh thinks it's good too. )sitting on my lap messing with stuff while i type.)cheers-rabbit
3/25/2006 c1 42Anecdotes Of The Arcane
original, very. Brilliant, do.not.stop.writing.ever. amazing. XD
42Anecdotes Of The Arcaneoriginal, very. Brilliant, do.not.stop.writing.ever. amazing. XD