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4/14/2006 c1 burkle
Love it. I really do.

Not the Dixon family I know, but I guess this is something for your class or whatever? Anyway, not important. It's really good. It really gets inside Aubrey's head and lets you see how she feels. Very interesting.

4/4/2006 c1 6TechEmpath1
I didn't intent to read that all in one sitting, but it drew me in so that I couldn't help it.

When I was reading through it I never imagined it would end like that. It does sound like she's finally coming to terms with what she has to do to get her life back in control. Too bad losing ballet was a consequence.

You are amazing...I can't wait to read the other story, and the coming stories/poems!
4/3/2006 c1 9Named Gene
Good to see you back! I was a reader back in the good old days of FSM and WOC and it was a treasure to receive an email saying you uploaded a zillion new stories (heart attack). I still miss your chaptered works because it allowed you to let character development breathe a bit (and you were good at it, too), but this does fine. What I like about this piece is how personal it is in its detachment. It feels like somewhat of an omniscent (I'm not sure if that's spelled right) narration which the "she this" and "she that," and yet the story never seemed to get cold - the emotion and the pain and the power was still there.

The only critique I think I'd throw out there is the creation of character. It's harder in short stories to subtly convey the intricacies of a character because there isn't as much space or time to get into flashbacks or mannerisms, so it gets a little "tell"-y instead of "show"-y at some points. Sometimes explaining Audrey's feelings was unnecessary, e.g. "She loved the way poetry sounded when it was read out loud," and made action description redundant.

Anyway, glad to see your writing again. :) Looking forward to more.

- Tammy

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