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for The Smog Sings to the City: A collection

6/27/2009 c1 51for shame
this is one of your better poems, though the format could do with some work.

it's an interesting compilation of three objects - i like the connection to the number 7.

i think you meant "devices that take me from/place to place; help" not "place two place". you want to be careful with that.

i feel like the taxi's ending can't even begin to compare with the building and the woman's ending. "go round" just can't compare with the randomness of the laundry detergent and the crossing out of words in the dictionary.

but i do like the ending, about underlining&crossing out. it sounds very profound (let's hope that's what you were aiming for). it was a very nice use of "for the sake of argument"; that's a rather obscure phrase poets don't use now, but it fits.

you've proved that you can write great poetry.

keep it up.
4/2/2006 c1 6TechEmpath1
Another great poem! Have I told you I absolutely love your work? Well I do ;) (I'll read the rest tomorrow I promise) This was so emotional, and it spoke right to me.
4/2/2006 c1 72Niniel Uskglass
I really love this. The way your words flow and also how the composition together gives the greatest impression of a city and its different aspects. There's sarcasm and levity, and desperate humour. Wonderful.

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