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3/21/2007 c1 8Neffy Avese
It's quite a good story, very descriptive. Unfourntanely, this is fiction press, and you said this was real...so?
6/14/2006 c1 13gabriellafaith
Hm Interesting...story? Well, whatever it was, I liked it. I loved your imagry and creativity. Well done.-gabi
6/14/2006 c1 12Jessica Wright
Interesting story. It's thoughtful and relfective. My only complaint was it went a little too quickly, and so got a little confusing.
4/20/2006 c1 14Aelaris
Nice, thoughtful story. While it may be a true story, I do think that you did a good job with translating that into words, making it something more.

Nitpick: "...But I was also partially glad that the train moved. As it began, I picked up the complete form of a larger-than-life parasitic cockroach..."

Stuff like this, mostly, when you are inexact as to what the narrator is saying. Here, you don't link the train moving to the cockroach, which leaves it strange.(and you say 'picked up' rather than 'picked out' - I'm assuming the narrator didn't grab the thing.)

Asside from stuff like that, it was good, overall. You have an aptitude for pondering description, something that I like(I'm very literal, myself).

Also, fictionpress is for fiction, not your life. However, as I mentioned earlier, this story is more than what happened to you.

Kudos on it all.
4/12/2006 c1 4pseudonym-of-mine
I like this story-rather haunting. Good job.

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