for Sciamancy or Sciomancy4/25/2006 c1 My Exodus
I really like the last stanza, ("We are the sons of transcendental dawn") but the rest of the piece I like less than most of your other work. It has a faint sense of forcedness, perhaps, or maybe it sounded more natural in your own head- something that happens to me often. I do like many of the phrases, and as always I love your choice of words, but the poem as a whole seems just a little awkward.
I really like the last stanza, ("We are the sons of transcendental dawn") but the rest of the piece I like less than most of your other work. It has a faint sense of forcedness, perhaps, or maybe it sounded more natural in your own head- something that happens to me often. I do like many of the phrases, and as always I love your choice of words, but the poem as a whole seems just a little awkward.