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for Lemon Lip Balm

10/7/2018 c1 13Shailaputri
I think if her and his feelings included in it , it could have been special...
4/4/2009 c1 9TuneOut
I thought this was absolutely adorable.

The only nitpick is that you fleshed out Jack more. I'm not sure if he was just a friend or boyfriend.
5/11/2008 c1 18found.eventually
Hahahahahaahaha. What the hell. THE LAST TIME I WORE STRAWBERRY LIPBALM NOONE EVEN NOTICED, DAMN IT. But then again, that was with my.. uhm. family. Yeah.

The story was straight to the point, really, but I was kinda confused about Jack. Who's he again? Some random schoolmate... A hot, self-obssessed jock... A quiet, talented musician... A straight, gorgeous enemy... A childhood friend? The one-shot might've been a lot better if it had some sort of story behind the two of them, you know?

Your one-shots are short, but they're always a good read. Who said you're not a good author, hmm?
5/7/2008 c1 9faerie-gumdrops
Ah this is very short and sweet - and the summary is awesome.

How nice would that be? Just to have some guy come up and kiss you like that? Okay...so in reality it might be a little odd (and haha Jack probably has cold-sore herpes now!), but it's a really cool idea. Ah I am forever the romantic, wishing that things like this happened all the time.

Lemon lip balm also has a nice sound to it, alliteration is yummy.

'Why else would he be staring at my lips as if it were a soccer goal?' this was a brilliant line! Why is it that boys are all so obsessed with football?

And I like how Jack just comes up, kisses her, says 'lemon. Nice' and leaves - it kind of makes the whole moment more passionate and exciting. She should try passionfruit flavour. That is my favourite - I wear it just because I like the taste, which is kind of sad now that I think about it!

I think I've now read everything you have on FP so I am looking forward to your next update! Hopefully I shall be able to read straight away instead of being pooey and inactive like I have been recently. Silly exams.
1/31/2008 c1 3pandorka42
Hahaha! That was fantastic. Loved the idea of the lip balm. Although, I think it would have been better to cut it off after "...he walked off." The last sentence seemed like unneeded extra. I liked your descriptions though. Not too much and not to little- just right!(I feel like Goldie-locks saying that.XD)

Anyways, have a great week!
1/27/2008 c1 4GrannyP
Haha! Hilarious! I thought the title and summary was pretty funny, so I had to check it out. So it was brief and a little vague, but still cute.
2/15/2007 c1 9Alkali.Alias
First, I'll do the constructive critisism and then tell you how much I love it.

You wrote: "bent his head towards mine and begun to lick my lips" I think it's supposed to be "began" instead of "begun."

The second thing I have a complaint against is that we didn't really have any idea of her previous relationship with Jack. Was he an enemy? It seemed that way because she thought he was going to make fun of her, but that could have been her own insecurities talking. I would havel liked to hear a bit more about their previous interactions, but whatever floats your boat.

Thirdly, I LOVED IT. Really. It's sweet, to the point, and just...cute. Even in this little thing, you can almost feel her character coming through. And this line:

"Why else would he be staring at my lips as if it were a soccer goal?"

Wow, if there was a best line award, I would give it to you for that.
7/22/2006 c1 Darkangle
Ally, i really wish you would make this into a long storie! i love it! lip gloss *ponders*

love ya Lizzy
4/30/2006 c1 1goodbyemylover
mm, lol, i loved the story its soo cute. please write more, you got the attention of me and all my friends, so please please please write more soon!
4/21/2006 c1 2cbprice25
Aw, that's cute. I like it.
4/21/2006 c1 butterfly-writer1
Love this story. The title is perfect. Don't change it. With a title like this it will fly off the bookshelves. Please write more.
4/20/2006 c1 4zephyr deity
Is this a one-shot? If so, too bad.

It's pretty nice but i was sorta grossed out by the description of the kiss - LOL, I'm only 14 that's why.
4/19/2006 c1 1punk-pwincess
perfect for lip balm lovers =)
4/19/2006 c1 5peachfruitsalad
funny and short - i like it! =) but then again, I'm not fussy, I like all lip gloss... yum! ;p

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