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for Word Portrait of a Blind Soldier

6/14/2006 c1 14mindOFdeliriousUNREST
this is very good. your descriptions make it possible to picture the soldier precisely. i'm not particularly fond of the sentence-like style, but you did it well, so it doesn't tkae anything away from the poem. awesome!
6/5/2006 c1 43NowNameless
good. powerful. i can clearly see this solder. Awesome job. Write On!

5/15/2006 c1 24heroin zombie
There's competent language in this. Very crisp descriptive words, although, maybe a little too descriptive. I can tell why you wanted to draw this - the whole poem is basically a summary of a soldier's physical features. It's really precise, and you use specific words that lend it a very realistic feel.

My advice is to make things a little denser, and to pay close attention to run-on sentences. For instance, "Covered in blood it covers his eyes for he is blind" says too much for one line. It's just confusing to read. The words themselves are diamond-sharp, so now you need to look at sentence-structure and grammar to make sure all that delicious diction isn't wasted.

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