for Word Portrait of a Blind Soldier6/14/2006 c1 
14mindOFdeliriousUNREST
this is very good. your descriptions make it possible to picture the soldier precisely. i'm not particularly fond of the sentence-like style, but you did it well, so it doesn't tkae anything away from the poem. awesome!
14mindOFdeliriousUNRESTthis is very good. your descriptions make it possible to picture the soldier precisely. i'm not particularly fond of the sentence-like style, but you did it well, so it doesn't tkae anything away from the poem. awesome!
6/5/2006 c1 43NowNameless
good. powerful. i can clearly see this solder. Awesome job. Write On!
-nameless-
43NowNamelessgood. powerful. i can clearly see this solder. Awesome job. Write On!
-nameless-
5/15/2006 c1 24heroin zombie
There's competent language in this. Very crisp descriptive words, although, maybe a little too descriptive. I can tell why you wanted to draw this - the whole poem is basically a summary of a soldier's physical features. It's really precise, and you use specific words that lend it a very realistic feel.
My advice is to make things a little denser, and to pay close attention to run-on sentences. For instance, "Covered in blood it covers his eyes for he is blind" says too much for one line. It's just confusing to read. The words themselves are diamond-sharp, so now you need to look at sentence-structure and grammar to make sure all that delicious diction isn't wasted.
24heroin zombieThere's competent language in this. Very crisp descriptive words, although, maybe a little too descriptive. I can tell why you wanted to draw this - the whole poem is basically a summary of a soldier's physical features. It's really precise, and you use specific words that lend it a very realistic feel.
My advice is to make things a little denser, and to pay close attention to run-on sentences. For instance, "Covered in blood it covers his eyes for he is blind" says too much for one line. It's just confusing to read. The words themselves are diamond-sharp, so now you need to look at sentence-structure and grammar to make sure all that delicious diction isn't wasted.