for flatline3/15/2007 c1 
88Icthoid Matro Coselos
ooh, pretty! so vicious... the harshness of the consonants really draws out the tone... wonderful job! It seems you take more time on your words and structure than the average teenage poet... I commend you. your work is spectacularly brilliant.
88Icthoid Matro Coselosooh, pretty! so vicious... the harshness of the consonants really draws out the tone... wonderful job! It seems you take more time on your words and structure than the average teenage poet... I commend you. your work is spectacularly brilliant.
5/23/2006 c1 612simpleplan13
honestly.. I love the beginning part before the poem, but the poem itself wasnt your best... btw lacuna coil is awesome
612simpleplan13honestly.. I love the beginning part before the poem, but the poem itself wasnt your best... btw lacuna coil is awesome
5/4/2006 c1 49thedarkthatiwas
Beautiful... your rhyme is nice, often rhyme seems so forced but this seems so natural. I didn't even notice it at first.Yeah... this poem is just... that. Short, (compared to mine at least. Perhaps mine are just long and yours are normal O.o) but really good, really nice, I like the flow, and anyone will tell you I am hopeless at reviewing -.-;But I like it. I would read more of your stuff right now only I'm being forced off the net by my parents. Great poem, I like!
~Aquila Strife
49thedarkthatiwasBeautiful... your rhyme is nice, often rhyme seems so forced but this seems so natural. I didn't even notice it at first.Yeah... this poem is just... that. Short, (compared to mine at least. Perhaps mine are just long and yours are normal O.o) but really good, really nice, I like the flow, and anyone will tell you I am hopeless at reviewing -.-;But I like it. I would read more of your stuff right now only I'm being forced off the net by my parents. Great poem, I like!
~Aquila Strife
5/2/2006 c1 79Sorrowful Dreams
this is really good! I like your writing and this is no exception to that. Your rhyme is so unique! Great work
~Sorrow~
79Sorrowful Dreamsthis is really good! I like your writing and this is no exception to that. Your rhyme is so unique! Great work
~Sorrow~
5/2/2006 c1 141AllyCred
Love this, its amazing and just really beautiful...i especially love the lines "Like a boy breaks a girl's heart- Innocently at first, Then rips it apart"
So truthful and just plain beautiful. Well done!
141AllyCredLove this, its amazing and just really beautiful...i especially love the lines "Like a boy breaks a girl's heart- Innocently at first, Then rips it apart"
So truthful and just plain beautiful. Well done!
5/2/2006 c1 wolfeh
Awesome writing. Like all your work. What more do I say? I LOVE it all, but the last bit best of all.
KW
~wolfeh (1.48 in the pm)
Awesome writing. Like all your work. What more do I say? I LOVE it all, but the last bit best of all.
KW
~wolfeh (1.48 in the pm)
5/1/2006 c1 63silentscreamer07
I love your writing. I really do. You just write beautifully, and you really form your words into this breathtaking portrait in my mind. I love it! *sigh* Anyways...
"There's no way to begin/To fix all my mistakes,/But I think if I cave,/It'll give more than it takes."
I really liked those lines...and it...well...wait now...well...to me, at first, it seems like, you're saying, that if you cave, then that will just make things worst, so no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse, but there is always a possibility that they will get better, when you face it.
But...then re reading it, it says.."if i cave, It'll GIVE more than it takes."
So are you saying, that then it will help?
well, if you are...I know it can definitly feel like that, and I agree...but in the end, it doesn't always help.
*sigh* I'm so confusing I know, I get so confuzed easily, I'm sorry.
Either way, this poem rocked, I love you're writing.
"There's just no way that this/ Hear could be beating"
Aw...that was sad, but it really tied your poem up really well...I loved this. *keep writing*
Hope you're not feeling sick anymore:( Love you so much! *hugs* see you son! 30 days and my plane takes off..hehe buhbyes!
~brit~
63silentscreamer07I love your writing. I really do. You just write beautifully, and you really form your words into this breathtaking portrait in my mind. I love it! *sigh* Anyways...
"There's no way to begin/To fix all my mistakes,/But I think if I cave,/It'll give more than it takes."
I really liked those lines...and it...well...wait now...well...to me, at first, it seems like, you're saying, that if you cave, then that will just make things worst, so no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse, but there is always a possibility that they will get better, when you face it.
But...then re reading it, it says.."if i cave, It'll GIVE more than it takes."
So are you saying, that then it will help?
well, if you are...I know it can definitly feel like that, and I agree...but in the end, it doesn't always help.
*sigh* I'm so confusing I know, I get so confuzed easily, I'm sorry.
Either way, this poem rocked, I love you're writing.
"There's just no way that this/ Hear could be beating"
Aw...that was sad, but it really tied your poem up really well...I loved this. *keep writing*
Hope you're not feeling sick anymore:( Love you so much! *hugs* see you son! 30 days and my plane takes off..hehe buhbyes!
~brit~
5/1/2006 c1 Eloquent-Marionette
eh, up, love?
WOW leila! this whole poem is great! every stanza has this whole Panic! at the disco- meets- fall out boy feel to it. except its much darker. i love the imagry you used. the flow, the rhyme all work together so well. "and though the doctor says/i have the normal reading/there's just no way that this/ heart could be beating" a cool way to end this piece of work. great job (as always) and KW! ttyl! miss ya lots and lotsa luv!
luv always,~Davida
eh, up, love?
WOW leila! this whole poem is great! every stanza has this whole Panic! at the disco- meets- fall out boy feel to it. except its much darker. i love the imagry you used. the flow, the rhyme all work together so well. "and though the doctor says/i have the normal reading/there's just no way that this/ heart could be beating" a cool way to end this piece of work. great job (as always) and KW! ttyl! miss ya lots and lotsa luv!
luv always,~Davida
4/30/2006 c1 1Shiba-.-Sempai
flatline.
That's such an awesome title... It manages to instantly set the tone for the entire poem. I admit my favorite stanza(?) was the last - how brillaintly fantabolous it was. "There's just no way..." It was a perfect ending to it all.
1Shiba-.-Sempaiflatline.
That's such an awesome title... It manages to instantly set the tone for the entire poem. I admit my favorite stanza(?) was the last - how brillaintly fantabolous it was. "There's just no way..." It was a perfect ending to it all.
4/30/2006 c1 361Gleechumber
This flows nicely, and I really like the last verse, it wraps the whole poem up well. I can relate to the emotions in this as well.
361GleechumberThis flows nicely, and I really like the last verse, it wraps the whole poem up well. I can relate to the emotions in this as well.