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6/17/2006 c1 18Plinky
Wow, fantastic poem. Somehow the long sentences really draw out the tension (Even though I've always been told that short sentences build tension... you gotta go break my rules, doncha? Hehe)

Beautiful beautiful beautiful personification at the end. It's so beautiful. One for the favourites, methinks!

Keep writing!
6/12/2006 c1 57empathic life
No, I didn't quite get the ninja impression, even after re-reading it. But I did get the sadness. I think the whole poem just has this whole sense of "It's all pointless, in the end" kind of tone to it. Bit depressing, actually. -E.L.
5/26/2006 c1 612simpleplan13
well whether or not you stuck to the fanfic this poem is still beautiful and sad and amazing
5/7/2006 c1 23La Gitane
A tragically pathetic situation, and you write it well. I certainly agree that the line which sparked it is powerful, and I think you take it on well with your title and following poem. A poignant last line...

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