for Immortal Wars3/17/2010 c7 ChocolateBananas
I love this story. Your characters are adorable :) And I like the violence. It's the perfect amount
I love this story. Your characters are adorable :) And I like the violence. It's the perfect amount
12/8/2006 c7 
6melpomene says
this is an interesting story and i love the plot line. though Shadow and Zail seem to have devaloped quite a big change in personality in the last few chapters.as in they seem to be able to accept the fact that they are the fallen angel and risen demon rather casually.
also the part about shodow being the risen demon isnt so clear. for example;why would his father suddenly blurt it out to someone/what he amulet has to do with anyhing. Anyway i just thought i would mention that it is a bit unclear but otherwise it is a brilliant story.
i hope you continue, i notice that your last post was quite far back. pls do continue.
~Nickel
6melpomene saysthis is an interesting story and i love the plot line. though Shadow and Zail seem to have devaloped quite a big change in personality in the last few chapters.as in they seem to be able to accept the fact that they are the fallen angel and risen demon rather casually.
also the part about shodow being the risen demon isnt so clear. for example;why would his father suddenly blurt it out to someone/what he amulet has to do with anyhing. Anyway i just thought i would mention that it is a bit unclear but otherwise it is a brilliant story.
i hope you continue, i notice that your last post was quite far back. pls do continue.
~Nickel
11/28/2006 c7 11Torn and Tattered
I’m just posting this review to thank florida/kaity. Thank you so much for correcting me on those small things. They’re all corrected now (due to you). I sometimes type so fast that I don’t realize I made a mistake. And the errors you pointed out really can’t be pointed out by spellchecker.
I know the sarcasticness is fading. I know, I know, but truthfully, this story wasn’t meant to be completely sarcastic. Characters change, as what is happening to them. They are actually beginning to let go a little bit. Tension is ‘vanishing’... kinda. But in the beginning they were tense mostly, and there wasn’t any trust. Now it’s different. If you like sarcasticness go read a story like “A Tip of An Iceberg” (which wouldn’t be what it would be without the every other line sarcastic comments).
-Hugs- I thank you florida (I suppose Kaity would work...?). And no, I haven’t forgotten about this story. I’m just trying to get past writer’s block and a few other stories first.
*TAD*
11Torn and TatteredI’m just posting this review to thank florida/kaity. Thank you so much for correcting me on those small things. They’re all corrected now (due to you). I sometimes type so fast that I don’t realize I made a mistake. And the errors you pointed out really can’t be pointed out by spellchecker.
I know the sarcasticness is fading. I know, I know, but truthfully, this story wasn’t meant to be completely sarcastic. Characters change, as what is happening to them. They are actually beginning to let go a little bit. Tension is ‘vanishing’... kinda. But in the beginning they were tense mostly, and there wasn’t any trust. Now it’s different. If you like sarcasticness go read a story like “A Tip of An Iceberg” (which wouldn’t be what it would be without the every other line sarcastic comments).
-Hugs- I thank you florida (I suppose Kaity would work...?). And no, I haven’t forgotten about this story. I’m just trying to get past writer’s block and a few other stories first.
*TAD*
11/22/2006 c7 2florida
Hey!
sounds like things are getting pretty interesting.
I especially liked your ending:
Hope had arrived on the horizon.
All they had to do was walk toward it.
it is really good.
there is just one mistake this time
Mistake 1: Derek spoke up. “That’s not true. It affects us as well, but we’re used to the drain and since we never leave, it’s a constant pressure our chest, crushing us. It happens every time we enter Nazdirith. Ganshen... it’s far enough away from the city of demons to be unaffected.”
it should be a constant pressure on out chests.
on to the next chapter!
~florida
2floridaHey!
sounds like things are getting pretty interesting.
I especially liked your ending:
Hope had arrived on the horizon.
All they had to do was walk toward it.
it is really good.
there is just one mistake this time
Mistake 1: Derek spoke up. “That’s not true. It affects us as well, but we’re used to the drain and since we never leave, it’s a constant pressure our chest, crushing us. It happens every time we enter Nazdirith. Ganshen... it’s far enough away from the city of demons to be unaffected.”
it should be a constant pressure on out chests.
on to the next chapter!
~florida
11/22/2006 c6 florida
Hola!
wow now aren't things heating up?
I must say I think your writing is getting better with each chapter.
anyways before i go on to the next chapter i'd just like to tell ya that your slipping up on your grammar and all that wonderous
(sarcastic voice) stuff. The first two chapters were perfection, but with these ones... I'd read through them again, ya no double check for spelling and all. (although i'm not one to be critizing when it comes to grammar and spelling... well lets just say that im in the dumps. your prob noticing that with all of these reviews i keep posting.)
Mistake 1: The male smiled, her eyes pained, looking at the dark haired girl. He thought to himself, being as devastated as she was, that it was usually she that comforted him, helping him rise again when he fell.
mistake 2: The long black haired, auburn eyes girl stood a few feet away, her eyes troubled as well. Her dark Ganshen outfit made her blend in with her surroundings. Her lips were pulled into a frown.
mistake 3: “She’ll be okay... She’s does a good job in recovering. She lost her mom too in the war, but she’s always strong. It’s the end of Alike if she gives in.”
on to the next chapter!
~florida
Hola!
wow now aren't things heating up?
I must say I think your writing is getting better with each chapter.
anyways before i go on to the next chapter i'd just like to tell ya that your slipping up on your grammar and all that wonderous
(sarcastic voice) stuff. The first two chapters were perfection, but with these ones... I'd read through them again, ya no double check for spelling and all. (although i'm not one to be critizing when it comes to grammar and spelling... well lets just say that im in the dumps. your prob noticing that with all of these reviews i keep posting.)
Mistake 1: The male smiled, her eyes pained, looking at the dark haired girl. He thought to himself, being as devastated as she was, that it was usually she that comforted him, helping him rise again when he fell.
mistake 2: The long black haired, auburn eyes girl stood a few feet away, her eyes troubled as well. Her dark Ganshen outfit made her blend in with her surroundings. Her lips were pulled into a frown.
mistake 3: “She’ll be okay... She’s does a good job in recovering. She lost her mom too in the war, but she’s always strong. It’s the end of Alike if she gives in.”
on to the next chapter!
~florida
11/22/2006 c5 florida
Amazeing!
I am truly hooked, now you just need to real in your catch! lol.
on to the next chapter!
~florida
Amazeing!
I am truly hooked, now you just need to real in your catch! lol.
on to the next chapter!
~florida
11/22/2006 c4 florida
very interesting!
on to the next chapter!
~kaity
oh yeah curious question. is mar's real name melalasio, i was kinda confucused?
very interesting!
on to the next chapter!
~kaity
oh yeah curious question. is mar's real name melalasio, i was kinda confucused?
11/16/2006 c3 florida
hola!
wonderful chapter!
I found one mistake though.
mistake 1: the princess smiled lightly and sighed. “A risen angel and a fallen angel eh? Well guess we’ll have to wait and see eh? is what you wrote. uh yeah it;s supposed to be a risen demon not a risen angel.
adios.
on to the next chapter!
~florida
hola!
wonderful chapter!
I found one mistake though.
mistake 1: the princess smiled lightly and sighed. “A risen angel and a fallen angel eh? Well guess we’ll have to wait and see eh? is what you wrote. uh yeah it;s supposed to be a risen demon not a risen angel.
adios.
on to the next chapter!
~florida
11/16/2006 c2 florida
This chapter again was really good!
I've got a few questions, well one actually, the older brother whose powers were taken away from him by his dad, that's the main guy in this chapter right? it's not jag? oh yeah and i don't thik you ever mentioned the demons name...
yup yup yup. well this is awesome! on to the next chapter!
~florida
This chapter again was really good!
I've got a few questions, well one actually, the older brother whose powers were taken away from him by his dad, that's the main guy in this chapter right? it's not jag? oh yeah and i don't thik you ever mentioned the demons name...
yup yup yup. well this is awesome! on to the next chapter!
~florida
11/15/2006 c1 florida
WoW!
This is amazing! I don't think you understand how wonderful this plot, your characters, and your writing really is. You are a truly spectacular yet partially insane (smiles) authoress. I can not wait until I get the time to read the next chapter.
From the president of your fan club,
~florida
P.S. I'm adding this to my favorite story list. It is well worth that tittle!
P.P.S. Thanks for reviewing my story. If you hadn't had reviewed it I might not have found your own story and then I would have never been able to have the pleasure of reading it.
WoW!
This is amazing! I don't think you understand how wonderful this plot, your characters, and your writing really is. You are a truly spectacular yet partially insane (smiles) authoress. I can not wait until I get the time to read the next chapter.
From the president of your fan club,
~florida
P.S. I'm adding this to my favorite story list. It is well worth that tittle!
P.P.S. Thanks for reviewing my story. If you hadn't had reviewed it I might not have found your own story and then I would have never been able to have the pleasure of reading it.
11/2/2006 c1 x-HiddenAngel-x
It's an enchanting story line,that leaves me wanting to read more.It's one that I would definately keep a close eye on.
It's an enchanting story line,that leaves me wanting to read more.It's one that I would definately keep a close eye on.
8/1/2006 c2 39EmoAssassin
I really like it! I am a little confused with who is who though.It has the same chars as your other stories though. I hope you continue!
39EmoAssassinI really like it! I am a little confused with who is who though.It has the same chars as your other stories though. I hope you continue!
7/16/2006 c1 Chiya
Interesting concept. Nicely written as well. This should definitely be good.
Interesting concept. Nicely written as well. This should definitely be good.