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10/6/2007 c10 3Back of Beyond
Great story, can't wait for the next chapter! :]
1/8/2007 c10 21princess max
Seth and Kevin are so HOT. I died laughing at Seth's penis appreciation. Waht a man;)
1/7/2007 c10 42Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
Oh... wow... um...


Hmm... I don't really see how Seth is an asshole... I mean, hasn't everyone had phone sex? Is that bad?

As far as I can tell, Seth is actually improving...

I'm still worried about the foreshadowing with Kevin, though. ^^

My review is all oer the place, I know. But I am realy... really tired...

Please update soon!

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
1/3/2007 c2 Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
Oh, I just saw on your profile that you were wanting to do a collaboration. I have been wanting to do that forever but the only person who would do it abandoned me for Italy... so I'm left taking over the story completely... sigh...

But I would love to do a collab with you (a different story, of course!), if you're still interested!

Please email me directly if you are, because alerts and replies aren't working right now. My address is lashie(underscore)chan(underscore)made(underscore)me(underscore)do(underscore)it(at)yahoo(dot)com.

Sorry if that's confusing, but you can't put addresses in reviews. ^^

If it's hard to follow, you can find it on my profile!

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
1/3/2007 c9 Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
Ahh, I'm caught up now! ^^

Uh-oh. Something tells me that whatever happens with Kevin isn't going to be good. Foreshadowing is a scary thing. X_X

Other than that, I love this chappy!

And please, please update soon!

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
1/3/2007 c8 Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
Okay, so past-tense. That's still okay. ^^

I started reading this in compy class and my teacher made me turn it off. -_-;

So I just finished it.

Anyhow, on to the next chappy!

(nothing really constructive to say about this one... it was fabulous)

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
1/3/2007 c7 Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
I tend to favour first-person past-tense POV all the time, but as far as your writing style goes, I think you should stick with present-tense. It seems to fit the story nicely.

Um, earlier in the chappy you said something about a 'dead familiar', but I think you meant 'family member'. A familiar is a type of magical guardian, typically in the form of an animal. ^^

Just so's you know.

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
1/3/2007 c6 Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
Aww, Seth's all jealous-like!

It's cute, but it's also kind of like, "Dude, wtf? You cheated on him, anyway!"

Hmm... well, moving on.

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
1/3/2007 c4 Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
Um, okay, your questions (if you still need to know)...

Another word for cock... dick... length... hard-on (if erect)... erection (if erect, duh)... there are more, but I can't think of them right now. It's not something I'm used to answering.

Slang for a cigarette... fag (I kid you not. But be warned, that term is used in Britain and while most American's know it, it still inspires some jokes... immature little people). They also used to say "ciggy" (or ciggie), or "ciggy butt" ("ciggie butt") back in the 50s, in movies like "Grease". But I don't know if you've ever heard of that.

The term black isn't offensive, as long as it's used in an affectionate way. It can be considered offensive if used sarcastically, though, so be careful. Nigger is the offensive term (I hate that word). African-American is politically correct, but sometimes it seems too formal in text. Use your discretion.

I haven't noticed any over-used words in any of your stories, but sometimes you do get your words out of order. Try to remember that in English, adjectives always come before the noun, but adverbs (especially the ones that end in "-ly") can be put before or after the noun depending on the sentence and over-all tone.

I can't find a good example now and I have to get to school, but I know you do it sometimes. My little brother is four, and he's being raised bi-lingual (Spanish and English, in his case), so I know the grammar rules of English don't always make a lot of sense next to other languages. But you seem to have a good grasp of the language as a whole, and with a little fine-tuning no one will even be able to tell that English is your second language. And you've improved quite a bit since this story's preceder, even.

Well, I hope that was helpful! Onward!

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
1/2/2007 c3 Luci-chan's Lunchbox Of Doom
I never, ever got an update alert for this story. It pissed me off when I found out.

Hmm... not a lot to say.

Still love the story so much!

And yes, I do have a long pen name. Gomen!

's and X-Rated Thoughts- Luci-chan
10/19/2006 c8 1Kokoro no Wasuremono
You have a really nice imagination. The set was really very mind twisting..all in all...I loved it..(^_^)
10/1/2006 c8 princess max
Hot sex, and I love Seth's comment 'I love that shop'.
8/9/2006 c7 28Hate In The Form Of Passion
Oh my God! HE ATE FOUR! HOLY SHIT! That was pretty hot I hope you finish that scene! I want Gabriel to take full advantage of Eli's submissive and completely vunerable state.

Seth is so naughty! AGAIN! Still waiting for his spanking. 3
8/3/2006 c7 princess max
'My man left me for a volcano'

You seriously put in the funniest lines, lines that are funny because they're so natural and don't seem like you're trying too hard to make humour.
7/26/2006 c6 7Maris. S
Heyo! It's be again ^-^ I liked this chapter *lol* Elijah cracks me up~ and I can't wait to see what's going to happen when Kevin and Seth get home *cackling* please update soon!
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