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for The Merchant's Daughter

5/29/2006 c1 1Feaz87
This story is really good and I really like your use of dialouge. A little word of advice: try not to make it TOO 19th Century as far as the dialouge is concerned because people could become bored with it. Trust me, I learned that the hard way earlier on in my fiction writing career.

All in all, good story and I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep it coming.


Please read my 9/11 Drama "One Day in September" and review it as well. Thanks.
5/24/2006 c1 superheroesarereal
hi lovely =) teehee this story is awethum just like you...ahaha umm the only thing is that in the beginning part where it says "minor little crowd", it struck me as unecessary (sp? i HATE this word)and m it seems like you didn't get into the story( if you know what I mean) until halfway through the beginning...i think...maybe...i dunno...i'm hungry and i can't think...well it's good...better than your other stuff i think...except i did like that one on your xanga =) bye
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