for An Elven Legend7/5/2006 c1 
9rvtolentino
since you've reviewed me i might as well return the favor. do not misunderstand what this is: this is constructive criticism. i want those people i've reviewed to get better-to improve.
first off you have a lot to gain by checking and rechecking spelling. you have not only several but many misspelt words that are sometimes downright funny, so if in doubt of a word and how it's spelled best consult a dictionary or use Microsoft Word (it automatically underlines misspelt words with a red line). spelling is very important, as a reader will not bother with a work that is not properly edited or written. as for the foreign word you've used, it is actually called "shuriken" (Japanese, literally "hand-hidden blade").
second, even though the over-diluted fantasy theme does not require too much research, you can best back it up with some to make your work more appealing. this includes the "shuriken" and the magic you've presented.
the overall work is average, though. you have a lot to work on, but at its most basic this one looks and feels like a prologue of a very anime-inspired (or game-inspired) tale. try experimenting with new and novel forms while editing and tightening the chapters; anime is always trite, and editing pays off in the end.
i hope you get to work on what i've suggested and that you won't take it against me. critics do not give critiques to bash a person but rather pointers and tips (although there are critics who abuse their power, i'm not one of them). if you need more reviews and you specifically want me for the job, i'm just an email away.
and you're 14? keep going the right path. when i was at that age almost seven years ago i was as enamored with writing fantasy as you are now, and more or less our skills were the same.
9rvtolentinosince you've reviewed me i might as well return the favor. do not misunderstand what this is: this is constructive criticism. i want those people i've reviewed to get better-to improve.
first off you have a lot to gain by checking and rechecking spelling. you have not only several but many misspelt words that are sometimes downright funny, so if in doubt of a word and how it's spelled best consult a dictionary or use Microsoft Word (it automatically underlines misspelt words with a red line). spelling is very important, as a reader will not bother with a work that is not properly edited or written. as for the foreign word you've used, it is actually called "shuriken" (Japanese, literally "hand-hidden blade").
second, even though the over-diluted fantasy theme does not require too much research, you can best back it up with some to make your work more appealing. this includes the "shuriken" and the magic you've presented.
the overall work is average, though. you have a lot to work on, but at its most basic this one looks and feels like a prologue of a very anime-inspired (or game-inspired) tale. try experimenting with new and novel forms while editing and tightening the chapters; anime is always trite, and editing pays off in the end.
i hope you get to work on what i've suggested and that you won't take it against me. critics do not give critiques to bash a person but rather pointers and tips (although there are critics who abuse their power, i'm not one of them). if you need more reviews and you specifically want me for the job, i'm just an email away.
and you're 14? keep going the right path. when i was at that age almost seven years ago i was as enamored with writing fantasy as you are now, and more or less our skills were the same.
6/19/2006 c1 27Apoc Genesis
1: I really like the way this story is going. I dont see to many of these fantasy based works that interest me, but this one has definitly caught my eye. The diallouge was very well structred, and it complemented your descriptions well. Hope you update in the future
2: I saw your review of kutelizzy, and I just wanted to say that I thought it was very insightful and mature, especially for someone who is 14 (based on your profile anyway lol).
Keep writing ^_^
27Apoc Genesis1: I really like the way this story is going. I dont see to many of these fantasy based works that interest me, but this one has definitly caught my eye. The diallouge was very well structred, and it complemented your descriptions well. Hope you update in the future
2: I saw your review of kutelizzy, and I just wanted to say that I thought it was very insightful and mature, especially for someone who is 14 (based on your profile anyway lol).
Keep writing ^_^
6/5/2006 c1 Bloody Rose
Heehee...I like Dante, he sounds hot with that bad-ass attitude. *Whistles uncontrollably* Typical bad guy but it works for me. Can't wait for next chapter or what not. *Jumps up and down* Now give me more sugar!
Heehee...I like Dante, he sounds hot with that bad-ass attitude. *Whistles uncontrollably* Typical bad guy but it works for me. Can't wait for next chapter or what not. *Jumps up and down* Now give me more sugar!
6/4/2006 c1 20Charlotte Tihaski
This is one interesting story. In a few parts you should'a put a bit more detail and such, but I have to admit the battle scene wasn't too bad all in all, with a little work your story can hit number one...
20Charlotte TihaskiThis is one interesting story. In a few parts you should'a put a bit more detail and such, but I have to admit the battle scene wasn't too bad all in all, with a little work your story can hit number one...