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for Eject at 3000ft

6/11/2006 c1 95beti213
"more than syntax"... I love that phrase! sounds like one of those that you just find, that just pops into your head and suddenly applies to everything.ok, I don't understand why no one has reviewed this yet; it's beautiful. it's full of tension and a kind of spare imagery ("a series of straight lines" has me imagining modern art, or the scaffolding on sky scrapers-something airy but rigid)"burning in slowdance" is truly a loaded phrase because "burning" has so many meanings. could be pain, but that's from being too close, not close enough...? or burning in passion? when things burn, they become simpler, and in a way, that's what happens when you dance-a primal concentration. also, when you burn, you decay... anyway, it's loaded.I have to say, though, that your ending is a bit of a letdown. the wordplay is cool, granted, but wordplay in general seems too flimsy to end a piece. the four lines before it are preparing for a big ending, and then what you have is kind of a leveling off. I think you can do better.haha I rambled about this piece quite a bit. it's rather amazing, though-the best I've seen on fictionpress in a while. keep at it.

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