for In The Moment6/22/2007 c1 
22Adaliah Pariah
Wow. The description is what drew me in. I really liked the first two stanzas. Maybe in the third stanza, you could pull together the rhyme. The "I'm"'s I feel, aren't necessary after the first line, neither is the first and on the second line, I however understand the one inbetween mom and dad. Then you have the final and on the last line. I hope that's understandable, I'm not the best to explain. Other than that I found it enjoyable.
22Adaliah PariahWow. The description is what drew me in. I really liked the first two stanzas. Maybe in the third stanza, you could pull together the rhyme. The "I'm"'s I feel, aren't necessary after the first line, neither is the first and on the second line, I however understand the one inbetween mom and dad. Then you have the final and on the last line. I hope that's understandable, I'm not the best to explain. Other than that I found it enjoyable.
7/27/2006 c1 65SarahJaneDrkAngl05
i love how you write! you put so much emotion in your words! its beautiful!
~SrahJane
65SarahJaneDrkAngl05i love how you write! you put so much emotion in your words! its beautiful!
~SrahJane
6/12/2006 c1 xInSaNexBlOodyxPrInCeSs
"Life's not worth living if there's no risk worth taking..." or something like that, anyway.
Definitely, sister. ^_~
~hye
"Life's not worth living if there's no risk worth taking..." or something like that, anyway.
Definitely, sister. ^_~
~hye
6/11/2006 c1 97rust phoenix
This is excellent. You put a wide variety of emotions into this without going over the top. I especially liked the last paragraph.
97rust phoenixThis is excellent. You put a wide variety of emotions into this without going over the top. I especially liked the last paragraph.
6/11/2006 c1 Bloodsinger
I love how this about life itself and taking the little every day things at heart. This stanza:
"I’m patting bro on the shoulderAnd hugging mom and dad tightI’m bugging my sister like crazyAnd poking my cousin all night"
sounds a little bit off in terms of rhythm, but other than that I like it a lot.
I love how this about life itself and taking the little every day things at heart. This stanza:
"I’m patting bro on the shoulderAnd hugging mom and dad tightI’m bugging my sister like crazyAnd poking my cousin all night"
sounds a little bit off in terms of rhythm, but other than that I like it a lot.