Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Storm

4/14/2007 c1 8jazzinator12
A bit cliche, but I do like it. The flow is almost perfect, and it just seems to roll off my tongue. There were several lines though that I think can be improved upon.

"The storm shall lead me to my doom."

I'm sorry, but I hated this line. It was cliche to an extreme, and I think could be worded so much better.

Something I think should have more emphasis upon it within this poem is fear. You seem to mention every other emotion, but I think that what I would feel the most in this situation is fear. But, I dunno, its up to you.

"Hatred shaming, sadness bringing,"

Again, I think this could be worded in a way that would be much less cliche, and more interesting. The word "sadness" is generally overused, and I like to see words a little less...bland.

But I could definitly(sp?) feel the emotion in this poem. ^.^

I like it very much. Its a favorite.
6/16/2006 c1 Fez the Cat
I'M A NINJA!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service