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for whorribly cuntagious

3/16/2007 c1 14tehrave-deactivated
the images are deliriously capitvating. the vocabulary, not so much. screamed? you use it four times. you can do better. you're original, but this poem has an typical gloss of clich├ęd words. change it up a bit, and good luck!
9/28/2006 c1 1magnificent-liars
you are absolutely amazing..i always love the variety of descriptive words you use
7/31/2006 c1 27RosepetalDoll
wow, i freaking love all of your it soo beautiful. all of it is so great! keep writing katlin
7/27/2006 c1 80citrus scented

jesus. christ. this is just edgeonyourseat, waiting and shocking and flinching away. its just incredible, I held my breath in someplaces and gasped in others. espeacilly the second to last stanza.

I love how you set this up...like you dont want to be a clishe...this makes it all so much real, and emotive. the drum of the heart in the ribcadge...haunting. it almost sets up a rhythum that bindsthis whole piece together. its all delicously good. I;m sorry for your pain, but you are a genius.
7/1/2006 c1 194Aslan Israel
6/27/2006 c1 77by His blood
. i would add this to my favorites but fictionpress won't let me have any more. the beginning is absolutely perfect, feelings that i know so well expressed beautifully. then the rest of the poem opens with an absolutely heart-wrenching, rawbeautiful line: 'you left me crying so hard/i forgot what pain felt like.' ohgod, i know exactly how that feels - to hurt so much that everything becomes numb. you expressed the feeling so perfectly. i adore the rest of the poem, but the ending is absolutely brilliant: 'she's gone by now. (she's always hated the color white).' this poem is refreshing, original and absolutely beautifully written. amazing.
6/18/2006 c1 29diffident
Holy fucking crap. Dear lord. Another mess of profanities. This had me chewing on my knuckles with suspense and the amazing imagery. "just like cutting tomatos"-that line really fucking brought me down to Earth, or up into motherfucking outerspace or somewhere else, somewhere I've never even heard of. Somewhere God hasn't heard of. That simile slapped me in the face. And you said writing isn't your thing? Well, you're a fucking liar, dear, because this is amazing.

6/16/2006 c1 65Aquafied
that last line.

make me smile
6/16/2006 c1 92burning in effigy
The phrases in the parenttheses were my favorite part of the poem... let you sort of delve a little deeper into the mood/feeling
6/16/2006 c1 138simply meg
I like this... 'tis morbid... but cool. I really like the ending. Write on!
6/16/2006 c1 a lonely september
i love the title... the play on words is... thought of before, but a nice title. 'you left me crying so hard/i forgot what pain felt like' that's very painful. 'just sneak up into the kitchen and slit your wrists/(just like cutting tomatoes).' that's one of those lines you cringe just a bit over.'(a soul cold and calculation under those ebony eyes.)' a nice line... 'the flesh the flesh the flesh' what a nice effect that added to the poem. and i love the last two lines... haunting.

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