for The Corporate Machine Cometh5/1/2005 c1 
32pointythings
This is a very powerful piece. I love the repetition, how each line has something in common with its respective lne in all the other verses. I especially love the lines about fanciful creatures.
However, in the second verse, I'm not sure 'excitement' is the right word. Maybe 'wonder?' Or revelations?' I don't know, that's a tough one. Anyway, just thought I'd point that out. Also, the lines about rainbows are a little off; the rhythm seems wrong. Might want to look into that.
Oh, and could I ask you a small favor? Could you please review my two new poems? I'm in desperate need of counsel, and the few reviewers I had seem to have moved on. Thanks! Loved the poem.
32pointythingsThis is a very powerful piece. I love the repetition, how each line has something in common with its respective lne in all the other verses. I especially love the lines about fanciful creatures.
However, in the second verse, I'm not sure 'excitement' is the right word. Maybe 'wonder?' Or revelations?' I don't know, that's a tough one. Anyway, just thought I'd point that out. Also, the lines about rainbows are a little off; the rhythm seems wrong. Might want to look into that.
Oh, and could I ask you a small favor? Could you please review my two new poems? I'm in desperate need of counsel, and the few reviewers I had seem to have moved on. Thanks! Loved the poem.
9/2/2004 c1 108Jo The Pirate
This is very grey beauty. I love it. A wonderful concoction of words and emotions and truth. Keep writing!
108Jo The PirateThis is very grey beauty. I love it. A wonderful concoction of words and emotions and truth. Keep writing!
9/6/2003 c1 17zamnath
good. original too, most of the depressing poems i read on here are about how unhappy individual people are, for some reason that bores me. probably the volume of them. only thing i can think of that you could do to make it better isn't really all that great a suggestion. hell, probably make it worse, i dunno. anyways, maybe you could try making "the corporate machine is here" with another "the corporate machine cometh". it might make the final line more dramatic, less predictable. great job.
17zamnathgood. original too, most of the depressing poems i read on here are about how unhappy individual people are, for some reason that bores me. probably the volume of them. only thing i can think of that you could do to make it better isn't really all that great a suggestion. hell, probably make it worse, i dunno. anyways, maybe you could try making "the corporate machine is here" with another "the corporate machine cometh". it might make the final line more dramatic, less predictable. great job.
6/2/2001 c1 Mello
Excellent! Bravo! :)
Excellent! Bravo! :)
4/20/2001 c1 24Teller
Oh! Sad! but so true in a lot of cases, sadly. That's what we're here to do, right? Keep away the Corporate Machine! That's what I try to do, anyway! Lol ok now I'm just being scary, so thanks for writing this and thanks for reviewing Poisoned Crystals! (glad you liked the trees) I haven't heard from you in forever! :-O That's no good! Ok, I'll stop now! keep it up! ~Teller
24TellerOh! Sad! but so true in a lot of cases, sadly. That's what we're here to do, right? Keep away the Corporate Machine! That's what I try to do, anyway! Lol ok now I'm just being scary, so thanks for writing this and thanks for reviewing Poisoned Crystals! (glad you liked the trees) I haven't heard from you in forever! :-O That's no good! Ok, I'll stop now! keep it up! ~Teller
3/22/2001 c1 16silversilence
I love your pen name, its awesome. So is this poem. now in favs...I just wanted to let you know that I never had a hard time fitting in with the "popular" people, because I never tried. All the popular people at my school are so annoying and stupid. If I had to be their friends I would be in endless tourture. Not trying to sound negative I just wanted to let you know...
16silversilenceI love your pen name, its awesome. So is this poem. now in favs...I just wanted to let you know that I never had a hard time fitting in with the "popular" people, because I never tried. All the popular people at my school are so annoying and stupid. If I had to be their friends I would be in endless tourture. Not trying to sound negative I just wanted to let you know...
3/18/2001 c1 vex456
That was cool! It reminds me of how much I hate MTV... that's not cool...I HATE MTV! Hehehe
*bewildered look* Now what was I doing?...
That was cool! It reminds me of how much I hate MTV... that's not cool...I HATE MTV! Hehehe
*bewildered look* Now what was I doing?...
3/1/2001 c1 49Naomi Sisko
Wow . . . you just made favorites. (I haven't added anything to my favorites list in oh, so long. :o) Anyway, love the poem, especially how you used structure to emphasize your point.
49Naomi SiskoWow . . . you just made favorites. (I haven't added anything to my favorites list in oh, so long. :o) Anyway, love the poem, especially how you used structure to emphasize your point.