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for The Corporate Machine Cometh

4/13/2006 c1 32Oriamus Amadeus
I like the format in which it is written and the ideas it evokes.
5/1/2005 c1 32pointythings
This is a very powerful piece. I love the repetition, how each line has something in common with its respective lne in all the other verses. I especially love the lines about fanciful creatures.

However, in the second verse, I'm not sure 'excitement' is the right word. Maybe 'wonder?' Or revelations?' I don't know, that's a tough one. Anyway, just thought I'd point that out. Also, the lines about rainbows are a little off; the rhythm seems wrong. Might want to look into that.

Oh, and could I ask you a small favor? Could you please review my two new poems? I'm in desperate need of counsel, and the few reviewers I had seem to have moved on. Thanks! Loved the poem.
5/1/2005 c1 109mistressKC
loved it
9/2/2004 c1 108Jo The Pirate
This is very grey beauty. I love it. A wonderful concoction of words and emotions and truth. Keep writing!
9/6/2003 c1 17zamnath
good. original too, most of the depressing poems i read on here are about how unhappy individual people are, for some reason that bores me. probably the volume of them. only thing i can think of that you could do to make it better isn't really all that great a suggestion. hell, probably make it worse, i dunno. anyways, maybe you could try making "the corporate machine is here" with another "the corporate machine cometh". it might make the final line more dramatic, less predictable. great job.
7/26/2001 c1 18Adar Daath
Stunning. Who are you, Thom York?
6/2/2001 c1 Mello
Excellent! Bravo! :)
4/20/2001 c1 24Teller
Oh! Sad! but so true in a lot of cases, sadly. That's what we're here to do, right? Keep away the Corporate Machine! That's what I try to do, anyway! Lol ok now I'm just being scary, so thanks for writing this and thanks for reviewing Poisoned Crystals! (glad you liked the trees) I haven't heard from you in forever! :-O That's no good! Ok, I'll stop now! keep it up! ~Teller
3/22/2001 c1 16silversilence
I love your pen name, its awesome. So is this poem. now in favs...I just wanted to let you know that I never had a hard time fitting in with the "popular" people, because I never tried. All the popular people at my school are so annoying and stupid. If I had to be their friends I would be in endless tourture. Not trying to sound negative I just wanted to let you know...
3/18/2001 c1 vex456
That was cool! It reminds me of how much I hate MTV... that's not cool...I HATE MTV! Hehehe

*bewildered look* Now what was I doing?...
3/1/2001 c1 49Naomi Sisko
Wow . . . you just made favorites. (I haven't added anything to my favorites list in oh, so long. :o) Anyway, love the poem, especially how you used structure to emphasize your point.

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