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for Fire

10/6/2010 c1 48wammyboys
I think I got the meaning, but then I think I didn't. Excuse me while a spend a few hours trying to decode that... Er, sorry. I'm not good figuring things out.
9/7/2009 c2 82steffxnie
I like poems that end with a interrogative.

The second version is definitely better.

But both are good! ^^
5/21/2009 c2 1crazyman12
I'm glad you put both versions on. It's fun to see the changes you made :)

Great job!

4/25/2009 c2 Left FP
I agree with you. The edited version channels your thoughts more clearly to the readers.

What I liked about this piece was that it had a good deal of imagery. Fire erupting into the air to become a nice display of fireworks ... this thought leaves one with a sense of intrigue.

I love the way you got your thoughts across without writing out a detailed and lengthy poem. It feels like you have told us just about enough to make us get a clear perspective of the matter.

The concept of being burnt if you play with fire, and yet that is what makes the firework special is something new and fresh.

~ Misty Elizabeth (Bender)

P.S. - Sorry it took me so long to review. This was from the Review Squad. Uni just got over, and now I have a little time to myself. *sigh*
4/25/2009 c1 Chasing Skylines
I liked the diction in this, the verbs were strong.

[someone's destiny is to get burnt]

Why's it "is to" and not "will?" Sounded sort of awkward, not sure if it's wrong, though.

- Review Marathon, link in profile.
2/21/2009 c1 12SuzannaR
Congrats on Winning the Review Game Marathon, Feb! Here's your review:

I liked this because I understood the message in it and it's very apt. Leaving the poetry part aside, I think you pose an interesting question, worth thinking about. Nice methaphor.

I found it a bit ackward that the second and third lines ended with the same word (or almost the same word). In the second version you changed one of them to ashes which I think works better.

Nice imagery with the colours erupting in the air, it makes me think of fireworks or something.

I liked the first version, if you changed that word to ashes.

Good job :)

2/14/2009 c2 33My-Breaking-Heart
whenever i play with fire,

i always get burned.
12/30/2008 c1 56Luna Turner
A great analogy

It's a very relatable piece

I absolutely loved how you ended it.

I read the edited version

And I don't know why

But I like the default better.

Hmm... call me crazy, I just do.

Well in your words



~Luna Turner
12/15/2008 c1 15Sabriel Griffin
I like the idea of the poem but I think that they way the you have it broken up into lines is not working as a whole for the piece. It interrupts the flow and is distracting to what is being said. When first glanced at, it reads like there are words or phrases missing or the prepositions are not quite right.

~Sabriel Griffin
11/20/2008 c2 4Lost-in-my-books-forever
Wow. Way more descriptive words than in the first chapter. I like it.
11/15/2008 c2 5inkspatters
The first one felt more raw to me. This version has been polished up, but for some odd reason, I don't find the first two lines as thought provoking now that you've changed them. No idea why - as I've mentioned before I am not any good at analysing poetry.

I think, I can see how this one is better poem - it's tighter and sounds more polished, but I liked the first one better. That's probably just me being weird, though, and both versions were really good!
11/15/2008 c1 inkspatters
Second Review Marathon review. Congrats again :D

WOW, you have some powerful imagery going on here. 'beautiful colors erupt in the air'. Wonderful, I loved it because it was so vivid. Similarly the first two lines are amazing because they're so thought provoking. I was just sitting here thinking, 'That's so true.'

Oh and the overall concept of playing with fire was tied in so well and smoothly. Great job!
11/1/2008 c1 May Elizabeth
Yet again I loved this piece. ^^ Peace.
10/20/2008 c2 24ilovetheopera
First two lines don't match the following lines. Fiddle with fire + destined to get burned = cliched and almost childish phrasing. I kind of like what you are getting at though.
9/24/2008 c2 Counting Petals
Hello, RM winner! Here's your second prize review!

I like the edited version a lot more (which is probably what you intended lol) because the word choice here is a lot better. In the other version, I thought "burnt" and "burn" were redundant, so I was glad to see you fixed that here.

I'm not fond of the summary, though, because I felt like you gave us TMI. The "playing with fire" part was fine, but I felt like the rest would work better in an a/n so as not to detract from the beginning of the summary. It makes it more mysterious. ;)
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