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for The Decision Game

10/27/2006 c1 steev
1st- srry for the delay in response. I've been busy, for various reasons.

It's sort of a taboo to critique how someone rights (opposed to their poetry itself), but I don't care. Now, the persistent problem with the majority of your work (or, at the least, all that I've read) is that you write from the perspective of the "I" pronoun- the 1st person narrator. This is a problem in that you use it in such a way that your stuff either reads like diary entries or personal rants (as here, esp. with the accusations towards "you"), & use various nouns that become abstract to the reader due to them having no possible way to put things into a context. To restate, a large amount of the problems with your poetry stem from this.

Try writing some poems without "I", or especially without "I" meaning you. Realize that your poetry is not you, & vice-versa; that's merely a false justification for catharsis or the smothering "self-expression" that excludes a reader. I think this advice could be more helpful to you as a writer than ripping apart a single poem.
7/2/2006 c1 81Princess-anna57
I really adore the messages your poems convey. Excellent! Write on!

~Anna~ ^_^
6/26/2006 c1 9Sakina the Fallen Angel
Spiritual...yet modern...especially with the 'game over' ending :p which brought it down to earth. Loved this poem.

Sakina x
6/26/2006 c1 With Rhyme and Reason
"Are we the products of our parents or our past?"

Nice line, by the way.

Are we feeling a bit peer-pressured? That's what I picked up from this: "Should I smoke the joint or not?" Nice imagery with the black and white mountains, and the mention that indecision can kill a person. Nice, nice, nice. However, this isn't my favorite piece of yours. No offense... it just lacked a certain pizzaz (oh, God, I have no idea how to spell that) that your other poems have.

I must ask about your name. One of my majors is Latin, so when I saw it I naturally thought something like "Death Causing Love Ghost". But seriously, Mortifer, what does it mean?

Julie
6/21/2006 c1 71MidnightStar005
This is deep & beautiful at the same time. I really enjoyed reading this.Keep it up!

WINKS

:P

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