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for Trick DRAFT

9/26/2006 c2 northernmoon
Its me again,

TECHNICAL-you do a very good job writing sensations ie. nightmare sweat on Helena's neck, feeling of the hot water& the cold ceramic. This shows a lot of natural writing talent.

CHARACTER- I'm very interested in the fact that helena has dreams and seems to know that something bad is going to happen before hand but at the same time it doesn't seem like anything really unusual to her.

PLOT- love the creepy nightmare in class & German-talk, excellent job on the alley scene, curious how terra is who finds helena...very intriguing
9/26/2006 c1 northernmoon
Since this is a retro-review, I'm going to do it in list form (actually scratch that, I usually review this way)

TECHNICAL- Do you even want to hear comments on this? Many people don't really cause it's usually pointing out stuff to improve...Anyways... the first few paragraphs are a little stiff (count how many times you say "my mother" in par#2)you could probably spread some of this description out over a few chapters since the reader may not need ALL of it right at the beginning.

CHARACTER- good job revealing a lot about helena in a variety of ways (her thoughts, reactions & conversations). She seems unique without making her over-the-top weird or quirky.Also very good setting up the mysterious Trick without giving much away just yet. Scary but hot is always cool.

PLOT- Things that make me want to read more... Trick being mean and snarly...Helena's dreams...and, well, I'm just curious what you're going to do with all this.
9/26/2006 c9 northernmoon
Happy Birthday!

I found this story last chapter and I'm totally in love with it. I can't believe; #1)that you're only 14 (15 now) and #2) that this story doesn't have more reviews. Seriously, I've been reading tonnes on this site and you have something really special here. As a wee sugestion, maybe if you altered your summay a bit it would capture some more readers (which you really deserve).

As a birthday present, I hereby promise to go back to the beginning and review every chapter since I missed out when you started the story.
9/25/2006 c9 1kat for president
Hmm, interesting chapter! Can't wait for the next one. I will keep on reading, no doubt!

Happy birthday! Have a great birthday tomorrow.

Until the next update,IB
9/25/2006 c9 1girl-imposter
it would seriously be a crime if you didnt go on and "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"...*birthday hug*...hope u have a great day and dont forget to update...:):):)
9/25/2006 c8 icedfaerie
Wow! I had a feeling something was up...but I didn't have anything like this planned in my head. Great chapter, I can't wait until the next one.
9/24/2006 c8 1kat for president
Great story, I have no idea why I didn't come across it earlier. I don't have much to say other then awesome story and I will be waiting for the next chapter!

And props to you for correct spelling an grammer.

Until the next one,IB
9/24/2006 c8 1girl-imposter
I reckon its halarious that she started laughing and the lie was also seriously funny...omg i think iwill die if you dont update soon...i was readign this at the liabary and the people around me just looked at me like a freak when i started laughing...but anyways update please...
9/24/2006 c8 19Nyte Shade
Wow, this is a really good story. I love the characters, your descriptive skills are very good, and with my wonderful imagination, everything is realistic. I was upset that this was the last chapter you write, I know I'm greedy. but please keep writing. Patrick seems so hot to me. I cannot wait to hear his explanation to this whole thing. Good luck.
9/24/2006 c6 58My Bitter Swan Song
wow, i was so confused halfway thru this, and then i realized i had accidentally skipped a chapter. heh. good job though, keep updating! ^_^
9/22/2006 c7 NowOrNever
I'm so curious now as to what's going on. I think I've got an idea, but you've got so many plots in this that it's impossible for me to figure it all out. Which is my way of saying "update!"

There are a few typos or things like that, for istance, you put "the mother" once or twice, which just felt a little weird and distant, but nothing too major. And all of it is stuff that can be fixed by just reading over the chapter.

I love how long your updates are!

I'm waiting for more!

: )
9/19/2006 c6 xhellogoodbyex
loved it. and here.."mom seemed sunrise at my sudden" suprise maybe? you did the same thing aain somewhere else but i cant find it now.
9/19/2006 c6 1girl-imposter
update update update...please...
9/18/2006 c7 19KSDM1985
Wow great story so far. I wonder what patricks deal is. The way you write this story, u keep your readers intrigued. I cant wait for the next chapter, i hope u update soon.
9/18/2006 c7 1girl-imposter
omg please keep going i really want to know what Trick is and also what the teachers are...please update...update update update...i think u get me...hehe...will be waiting...
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