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10/9/2006 c2 41sarah1491
Interesting. Great character description and lots of dialogue.

Personally, I did not think it was anything special (but I myself am better with poetry than fiction).

I like how the thoughts are italicized. It really stands out and is easy to tell the difference between when a character is thinking, and that's good. I also like when stories are told in the first person, especially ones like yours, because you can really get to know a character's personality and feelings. Great character development and descriptions. Nice job. :)

- Sarah
9/12/2006 c2 3Kon Savage
A dramatic opening chapter (beautifully written by the way), and followed by this chapter to set up the rest of the novel. You're all set to continue (nudge, nudge) and tell us how Larena saved Karuri and how her lover died. Also props for the first person one of the toughest ways to tell a story.

Kon Savage
8/31/2006 c1 9pigmy
i like the way you describe everything! .. :) it's cute. and to answer your question (because there is no mail given un your profile for me to answer). yes it did happen !..
8/28/2006 c2 1mkrasinski
I love your stories because you use such unique names. It would be boring if you used ones that you hear a lot. Keep writing, your real good.
6/30/2006 c2 11skizofrenik
You are starting to get a plot developed here, good on you! Now I really want to read more...Couple of things I could fix if I could just write with a red pen on the screen...but other than that its perdy goods!
6/24/2006 c1 Kittykuns
Emisheep, I agree with Arihead. Its short but descriptive :D

Keep going with it, right now it seems like a bunch of jumbled images but once you link them together I think it will be a wonderful story! BWHAHAH! I'm insane! No you don't need to pay for brain surgery. LONGER CHAPTERS AHOY!
6/24/2006 c1 skizofrenik
This is really shor tEmeme...but you use good description so it should be longer.

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