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7/3/2006 c6 233kelsi bones
LOL! Okay, stupid me, reviewed chapter five, then realized six was already up ;P.

“Yes, *have* been for awhile. Kalila missed her ride because she stayed with me.” *Have* should be *has*.

“Yeah.” I said not to*o* thrilled.

We went up the grand staircase to my room so I could put my things away and they *can’t* put their things somewhere. *Can't* should be *could*.

=)

Katrina
7/3/2006 c5 Katrina
* * is what should be added/changed.

“No*w* you come with me.” he said.

“That means you to*o* Melanie Cooper.”

I didn’t want to go to class just yet, I was way to*o* embarrass*ed* so I went into the bathroom.

Okies, I'm done now! n_n Make sure you use the right form of the word "too".

How about when they ditch school, they go to like, McDonalds, or Burgerking, or some other crappy fast food place. Melanie expects him to want fame but he's just like, "I don't care about how famous you are. I like you because (blah, blah, blah)" and she doesn't believe him, even if it's true.

Katrina
7/3/2006 c6 Christy
ok this is hard to do cuz i totally cant stop laughing at what you said..im sorry ill have to read it again..what i do remember was that one guys reaction to her house..that would have been uncomfortable..kewl that he decided to go hang out with them..would be a twist if it tunred out to be him that wrote on the lockers..ops i hoipe i didnt give anything AWAY!
7/3/2006 c5 Christy
i love how this turned out..i would go nuts if i was her..the admiration of her dad by the adults would drive me nuts..cuz then it makes her the subject of ridicule of the other students who are jealous..and i felt her pain when the pricipal made her stand up there with him..instead of just a few people knowing and seeing her locker the whole school knew in one fail swoop that someone had wrote something on her locker..which would have made it 50X more embarassing..oh and i wonder if that girl really did do it..but it was awesome when mel attacked her..weehehehe..jesse is a good friend..instead of getting upset about his locker he was more concerned for his friend..i wonder how people found out about him being gay..like he hadnt even told his parents yet..curious to find out who did that to their lockers.and im sure people that didnt even have an opinion about mel..now dont like her because of her their prom is cancelled..i wonder how that is going to work out with the other students and if shes going to have to put up with more shit now..when the principal find out who did it..he should stand them up in front of everyone!..haha that would be funny..
7/2/2006 c5 Erica
I love the story so far.. It is addicting! :)
7/2/2006 c4 Christy
oh i really think this is my favorite so far..its funny..i like how close of a relationship they have..and im glad it was just a dream lol..not a good way to loose your virginity lol..this is really good so far miss..cant wait to read more
7/2/2006 c4 kelsi bones
I'm sorry . It's terrible, I'm turning into a grammar nazi. And yes, I know. Spell Check sucks.

This one was even more awesome than the rest. The fact that they didn't (or maybe did?) have sex confuses things. Cool =)

Katrina
7/2/2006 c3 Christy
wow..that was a huge surprise!..she didnt think to much about what was happening just let it happen..she must subconsiously like him. It seems like she should have been more uncomfortable.. especially if shes never done it before..i still love all the detail..but this needed a little more =\ sorry..oh and..how long had that condom been in his wallet..cuz well.. o.o cant wait to read chapter 4..doing good so far
7/2/2006 c3 kiss the bruises
"Then he answered the door and told me you were home and that you already left for school." Were should be weren't.

"I am not aloud in his house." Aloud should be allowed.

You really need to check for spelling mistakes. It's a good story so far, but it's distrascting to read if there's too many mistakes.

Katrina
7/2/2006 c3 19Nyte Shade
Wow...they did it! lol. This is good. But is this going to change their relationship alot or what?
6/30/2006 c2 Christy
I really am liking this story..the details help you see into her surroundings..i was wondering why she had said in chapter one about them being hard times when they were little..now i see..how sad..im looking foreward to finding out what happens.. oh and i like the way you ended this chapter.. i cant wait to find out what happened to jesse..even though i think i can guess..poor guy..
6/30/2006 c2 Nyte Shade
aww who beat up jesse? But oh my god sweetie your details are wonderful. I love how you are really using them in this story. But good job on explaining what happened to her as a child and explaining her friends.
6/30/2006 c2 233kelsi bones
Another good chapter; keep checking for spelling mistakes. Another thing: I think the word "limelight" was used a bit too much in this chapter. Try using fame or another word.

Katrina
6/30/2006 c1 Christy
i love the detail in this story. its awesome so far..i like the way your writing it as if shes talking to me directly..can kinda picture it like a movie...i wanna read more..let me know when you have more and ill keep on top of this story lol..
6/30/2006 c1 34haeitsheerin
Stephie, this story is really cool. And it seems so realistic too! Just...wondering why a housemaid's name would be Isabel because it seems more like a spoilt brat's name. But oh well. lol.
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