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for Tsubasa Reverse: The Devil King

7/31/2009 c1 8CraigAPrice
I decided to start with this one since it's the prequel. I'm already very interested in the storyline. I will continue reading it and go to the next book. No promises on deadline, I'm using dial up now, too long on the internet gives me anger issues with how slow it is.

Great start to a story.

Sincerely,

-The former Searon- ~Saboteur
1/4/2007 c2 EnigmaticArsenic
"the bearded Dwarves that rarely come out from their subterranean hoards..." Is this another fantasy requisite? That dwarves must be forever vanished to the sunless bowels of the earth? Oh, the poor stunted people... (Ok, I'm just being a tad over dramatic, lol. As I've said, I really don't have a problem with such- pardon the term- fantasy cliches. For the most part, at least they are better integrated than most in the 'romance' genre. lol.)

"People cursing, bartering, laughing, talking and singing mixed with the moaning wind, and the crunch of boots on fresh-fallen snow accented their footsteps." You know, you really gotta give it to the adaptive survival instincts of people. Unless they're dead (or clinically depressed) they eventually just learn to get over anything and move on.

"The Elves, who, according to history was as much to blame for the Winter the proliferation of the Elders as the Humans..." "...for the Winter the proliferation..." huh?

"Duskfell is rushing headlong into its ruin if it was bringing an Elder..." *was

"...they didn’t strip him of is being a Judge, the oath to protect the people from the malice of the Elders..." same tense confusion. *was

Still a nice read, and although a chapter saturated with more background information (concerning Harmonia, the Elders, the Conclave, and so on and so forth- not to mention the character himself), I think I understood the gist of the situation.

It's getting late, however, and I'm getting hungry, so I'll return later to read the rest.
1/4/2007 c1 EnigmaticArsenic
Well, my- ain't my face red. Or would be were it not tan (lol ^_^*)

Apparently, I clicked on the wrong title for the prequel, but oh well. Four chapters are certainly nothing to die over either.

First off- might I ask why is it always the elves that are the magnanimous race? In almost every fantasy that deals with them (unless it's like horror/fantasy), elves are always portrayed as fairer and wiser and as a whole more appealing than the other races. I don't have a problem with it, so much as I'm just... curious.

"At its best, the light was like that when a storm was approaching; at its worst, it was dark as dusk." The tone of this sentence feels like a deviation to me- perhaps for that "was like that" part. Seems too contemporary.

"...environment, and to find, with what powers were gifted to them, to appease the angry Earth Mother." A little disconnected. If you remove the interjected "with what powers were gifted to them" it reads with little sense: "...and to find [...] to appease the angry Earth Mother." I understand the gist, of course, but it is an awkward sentence.

"...as the sky punished the earth for its wickedness in spawning a prodigal son." I'm o-ing. Very nice metaphor.

Over all, wonderfully descriptive. At times, I balk at fantasy pieces as they tend to become saturated by the physical descriptions of the environment that serves little other significance, but as this is only the background to the main story, it works well to illustrate the state of the world they are living in.
1/2/2007 c4 1Dhul Fiqar
I loved this whole prequel. The third chapter was an awesome twist, and that last one had it all. The reaidng of the prophecy and the bit where he revealled who he was were brilliant plot hooks.

No problem with description, but I noticed this oen tiny error...

'as if there was a blade on it. Andd it did.' Shouldn;t that be and it had ? And in the prologue you have the words 'extremely calamitous' which seems like overuse of adjectives. You do it once or twice...
12/22/2006 c4 33WyrdWolf
Jesus, the appearance of the Devil King-even the unwilling one-drove these people to true insanity.

Hm, Nive's been hiding something. That strange sword really saved him...odd, though, but useful. And Morgan-Morrigan-is being taken over by the evil. I wonder if she knew that something like this was going to happen...

So, Nive was there to stop this sword-Skufnung-from being stolen and brought to the Elders. I didn't think he was just a simple poor boy, at any rate. *smirk* Insane! I don't understand why his previous narration would say that he was no longer a Judge, though...ah, that's a bit confusing. Powerful as he was said to be, though, even Nive the Silberkreuz was unable to stop the Devil King from taking the sword...but I can just see him sprining back.

Wolfie
12/18/2006 c3 WyrdWolf
Ah, so it wasn't truly the Devil King. I called that. ^_~ You do a good job of subtly revealing the history of their world (which I don't think you've named yet, or else I just missed it^^) through unraveling events.

Yagh! It's Morgan! Wow, that's totally nuts...so, perhaps she's not evil? or maybe the evil inside her will be reawakened, or something-I wonder what Nive can have to do with all this, or if he can help. looking forward to more once I have another free period. ^^

Wolfie
12/12/2006 c2 WyrdWolf
Forever passes again between reviews...terribly sorry. *weak smile* But I really do appreciate your helping me on The Eternal Flame RW-I'm showing it poorly, but life is being...tedious. ^_^

Ah, so Nive Eventide is the main character, I presume. Morgan sure changed countenance quickly, the two of them off into Duskfell together-Nive carrying a nice apple, of course. ^^ So, he's an ex-Judge? How did he lose his status? Hm...I, too, doubt that they have the true Devil King, if he's as powerful as Nive desribed. Looking nice, and I'll do my best to move on!

Wolfie
12/6/2006 c1 WyrdWolf
God, I'm so, so, so sorry it has taken me so long to finally reach your stuff-I was busy with reading, writing, and then NaNoWriMo came along, and I'm currently reading another series, but I think I can get to this now. Be forewarned: my reviewing will be very sporadic. I'm pretty sure you told me to read a different one than this first, but I'm at school right now (my one study hall per week) and can't check my mail to find out which one. ^^ So, I'm going with earliest published and moving on from there!

Very nice allusion; it's cool to find some ancient, old wording that really relates to a piece of one's writing.

Very neat, lots of imagery. I could sense the land's pain-the War of the Mages really tore it up, so to speak. This looks to be very interesting.

Wolfie
11/9/2006 c1 9Alteng
The prophecy makes for a messy society indeed.

I like the beginning of this story, and I look forward to reading the next chapter. It is hard to make a judgement until I see where you plan to go with this. One thing that I do note is that you have created the elves well, and they are very reminience (too early to spell, sorry about that) of Tolkien's high elves.
11/4/2006 c4 25Bitter Irony
Amazing! I mean, absolutely everything about it! Description, characters, pacing...everything!

My one criticism is that you tend to go into somewhat lengthy explainations (mostly in the prologue-I know, I know, that's what they're for, but I really have problems wiht lengthy descriptions of backstory). I remain firm in my conviction that there is not a single bit of information that cannot be squeezed out through sources other than a text-book style first chapter. :-) Sorry, I'm kind of taking out my annoyance all on you here, and that isn't fair: you even do the text-book style first chapter wonderfully!

Suffice to say that I am envious. :-) Keep up the good work-I'll be checking out Tsubasa Reverse ASAP (don't get too excited, in my world, ASAP stands for "about-sometime-around-perhaps" But I'll get to it eventually, I promise!)

~Bitter Irony
10/26/2006 c1 lleidane
well, i read your review for The Heir by heavenline and i got onto your profile and read what you had to say. after reading what advise you gave to heavenline, i thought, "wow, i could really use someone like that to review my story". so, here i am, after having read chapter one on Tsbasa Reverse: The Devil King, reviewing you. so, here goes.

first off, i really love the descriptions you provide. i think they really make the story stonger. and i really think the storyline will fall neatly into place. (I haven't read past the first chapter, and honestly, i haven't read any other of your stories yet either...)

second off, the prophecy was really cool. it's real, you say? that makes it even better... how'd you find that anyway?

well, that's about all i can find to say...at least for now, besides asking you to review my story Gods At War. and i wouldn't be asking you to review it if i couldn't take some critisism. i actually agree with you that no one seems to say what they really mean; they sugar-coat their words and that's not helpfull to the prgression of the story.

great job. now i am off to read another chapter...lol
10/21/2006 c4 13Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu
Hiya there! It's me again! ^^ Well, glad to review this again. Sorry for not reviewing earlier, but as you've know by now, fp gone buggy and after that, got excessive traffic problem for this site and again (!), site went buggy halfway through last night... so yeah... anyway, on with the review. Ok, you've did a very good job on this prologue story. And yeah, Nive got pwned even he's supposed to be quite powerful here canon wise. Interesting idea you've here for Nive btw on his powers. I'd like to see what he has to offer when I read Tsubasa Reverse next. I definitely hope to see further developments on his character and abilities as an overall as the whole story progresses. Actually, I don't know why and I don't know if I'm sick in the brain, but I do have this impression that there may be some romantic link between Nive and Morrigan...

P.S: One issue I'll have to address to you on your previous review is that Reyn DIDN"T kill Ortoff and the thugs. I don't know what led you to think that way, but definitely that's not the case. That being said though, I do agree with you on the killing and thanking part of human nature you've put there. And yeah, hope to see your reviews for Wolfblood soon! Bye! ^^
10/21/2006 c4 5lightpaladin
This is a damn good story. The descriptions, the characters, the fights...everything about it is simply amazing. Expect a great review or two from me In Tsubasa Reverse.

May The Light Guide Your Path Of Writing!

~Lightpaladin;)
10/20/2006 c4 50Kristina Suko
Awesome. It's really good. As usual, your dialogue is wonderful, and in the midst of the action your descriptions go on too long. But no great harm done. It just takes a little of the energy from the fights. lol, you're the overdescriber, I'm the underdescriber... lol.

=D Maranwe
10/20/2006 c3 Kristina Suko
She's... a king? huh. pretty good, pretty good...
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