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for Murder Your Darlings

7/6/2006 c1 Arcadia Lynch
"His eyes widened as he felt a warm on his back" - A warm what?

I think you've an excellent use of vocabulary and a good grasp of the English language.

But this wasn't a piece for me, I'm confused as to what is going on and I'm sure that you will clear it up late but it's a bit like watching something that's been distorted. I couldn't get a clear picture of this scene in my head.

Work on descriptions, other than that your writing is very well done.
7/6/2006 c1 38roxy-babe912
Haha, I like this one. It's got humor blended into it very nicely. I must say the ending of it makes me very curious as to who this female is. Overall, good. I like the orange and cream description. It made me hungry x.x

:) Good job.

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