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for Pas Seul

12/2/2007 c1 13Panchromatic
beautiful

imagery, everything. tis good. last sentence wraps it up wonderfully.
7/21/2006 c1 73Bragi
Fantastic imagery, althoug I must say there seems to be nothing besides imagery here. Oh well, no matter, sometimes things have no other purpose than to be beautiful.
7/10/2006 c1 59Frore
Glad to see you posting some more, Jen!

You began this story perfectly. The image of light "bleeding" through the stained glass windows is very strong, it's one of those sayings that prevokes a very reverential, mysterious feeling in the reader (here's to using strong verbs!).

I was going to suggest that this story be divided into paragraphs, however I'm not sure if that's necessary. It all seemed to flow together nicely without them, which is pretty rare.

One thing that caught my eye was that this story was all physical action, with no emotion - a technique that actually, I believe, had more of an effect. The thought of a girl dancing alone in a cathedral as night falls can symbolize only a handful of things, there isn't really a need to say, "Oh yeah, and she felt lonely. Really really lonely which is why she's dancing alone." It was very pretty and self explainatory.

However that's part of the magic of this story: without the character's internal dialogue, the reader can interprete the message as they wish, without bothersome names and labels getting in the way.

I better shut up before this review becomes long than the story itself. XD Keep posting, Jen. NOW!
7/6/2006 c1 On The Esplanade
Okay, that was good but I really think you could have really expanded on it. Other than the length, you have really good writing and I was impressed how you described the movements without getting overly descriptive.

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