for The Burning Season12/31/2006 c1 A.X. Balov'czeko
I'll be honest, it's hard to find a good story amidst the crap here on Fictionpress. Yours is one of those rare works that doesn't strain to use advanced vocabulary, integrates dialogue beautifully, and describes very concisely. It's just absolutely lovely, and I don't say that very often around here!
To be critical, though, I thought Dominique and Victoria could use a bit more 'fleshing out'. I'm sure you'll build on them later, but they seemed cardboard cutouts of sorts during the first chapter, which could scare off readers too early in the tale. (Be careful, too- seemingly 2D characters and sex may come off as an excuse for writing smut. And I know you're a far greater writer than that!)
Well, thank you for your work! It's a breath of fresh air here!
-Valah
I'll be honest, it's hard to find a good story amidst the crap here on Fictionpress. Yours is one of those rare works that doesn't strain to use advanced vocabulary, integrates dialogue beautifully, and describes very concisely. It's just absolutely lovely, and I don't say that very often around here!
To be critical, though, I thought Dominique and Victoria could use a bit more 'fleshing out'. I'm sure you'll build on them later, but they seemed cardboard cutouts of sorts during the first chapter, which could scare off readers too early in the tale. (Be careful, too- seemingly 2D characters and sex may come off as an excuse for writing smut. And I know you're a far greater writer than that!)
Well, thank you for your work! It's a breath of fresh air here!
-Valah
11/2/2006 c1 Prince Tin Lizzy
where do I begin?
You've taken such a radical turn here, and in a far more introspective way. Introspective. Is that even the right word? Well, you understand what I mean.
Having read Nobility, it's enjoyable to make connections between past and present. I can see why Andrei feels the way he does, and why it would take so long for he and Dominique to become intimate. This is, of course, assuming that Andrei is the one formerly known as Ankou. If I'm wrong, you have full permission to dole me out a righteous e-smack via internet.
All of Andrei's discomfort in speaking, his blindness, his feelings of detatchment in the human world, are obvious products of a past that the reader becomes eager to learn about. They are strong symbols that really create Andrei's character. And don't think for a second that your characters were ever one-dimensional, because they certainly aren't. From the very beginning we get a picture of Andrei that ranges from placid harmony to irritation, loneliness, joy, desire, and fear. He's real enough to touch.
where do I begin?
You've taken such a radical turn here, and in a far more introspective way. Introspective. Is that even the right word? Well, you understand what I mean.
Having read Nobility, it's enjoyable to make connections between past and present. I can see why Andrei feels the way he does, and why it would take so long for he and Dominique to become intimate. This is, of course, assuming that Andrei is the one formerly known as Ankou. If I'm wrong, you have full permission to dole me out a righteous e-smack via internet.
All of Andrei's discomfort in speaking, his blindness, his feelings of detatchment in the human world, are obvious products of a past that the reader becomes eager to learn about. They are strong symbols that really create Andrei's character. And don't think for a second that your characters were ever one-dimensional, because they certainly aren't. From the very beginning we get a picture of Andrei that ranges from placid harmony to irritation, loneliness, joy, desire, and fear. He's real enough to touch.
7/18/2006 c1 Shadow-of-an-Angel
This is really good. I really like your stories they are the best I've found on here. I'm sorry about your boyfriend leaving you. I know it won't make a difference since I don't know you or him but sometimes it's just good to hear...YOU ARE WAY BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM...
well that's pretty much all I have to say...
This is really good. I really like your stories they are the best I've found on here. I'm sorry about your boyfriend leaving you. I know it won't make a difference since I don't know you or him but sometimes it's just good to hear...YOU ARE WAY BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM...
well that's pretty much all I have to say...
5