for literary vomit5/13/2007 c3 
54kaylajac
oh, god. this is most definitely my favorite. i mean, this is legitimately one of my favorite poems i've read on this site in...ever. ever ever. i can't say exactly what makes this so much better, but it really is. there are so many striking images here. my favorites:
'i wish i was a carousel./i'd chase my tail with a purpose.'
'they're nothing but barren faces./broken paint on canvas boards.'
'we said our prayers to the teasing of chlorine gas.'
and my favorite part of all is the end. to go from those longer, fluid sentences to the one-word lines is really intense. excellent writing. i hope to see more like this.
54kaylajacoh, god. this is most definitely my favorite. i mean, this is legitimately one of my favorite poems i've read on this site in...ever. ever ever. i can't say exactly what makes this so much better, but it really is. there are so many striking images here. my favorites:
'i wish i was a carousel./i'd chase my tail with a purpose.'
'they're nothing but barren faces./broken paint on canvas boards.'
'we said our prayers to the teasing of chlorine gas.'
and my favorite part of all is the end. to go from those longer, fluid sentences to the one-word lines is really intense. excellent writing. i hope to see more like this.
5/13/2007 c2 kaylajac
i like this one less than the first, but that's not to say it doesn't have merits. all of your pieces seem to be bursting with personality, and from comparing it with your author's bio, i think it's your traits that are showing up so clearly. :3 anyway, the reason this one's less enjoyable is that it lacks the originality your other stuff has. i think it's interesting that the 'you' in this poem is a vapid, superficial person [or at least the speaker perceives them that way] because i don't see that much, but otherwise, i've seen everything in this poem before.
but my favorite thing here is probably the comparison between highs and lows. for someone to be addicted to a 'decrepit low,' that's really interesting. and to be able to nicely portray a person who keeps coming back no matter how bad the situation is, that's hard, so good job.
i like this one less than the first, but that's not to say it doesn't have merits. all of your pieces seem to be bursting with personality, and from comparing it with your author's bio, i think it's your traits that are showing up so clearly. :3 anyway, the reason this one's less enjoyable is that it lacks the originality your other stuff has. i think it's interesting that the 'you' in this poem is a vapid, superficial person [or at least the speaker perceives them that way] because i don't see that much, but otherwise, i've seen everything in this poem before.
but my favorite thing here is probably the comparison between highs and lows. for someone to be addicted to a 'decrepit low,' that's really interesting. and to be able to nicely portray a person who keeps coming back no matter how bad the situation is, that's hard, so good job.
5/13/2007 c1 kaylajac
i really like this. wow, what a generic opening line for a review, but i mean it honestly. while i don't think we're very similar in personality, i have friends and acquaintances who seem to act in the sarcastic and rather abrasive way you do, and i have noticed the way people will hover around hoping that a bit of that strange charm will rub off on them. i've always liked work, poem or prose or otherwise, that focuses on the creative problems writers come up against.
a couple of things, mainly quibbles. in this line: 'that many often join in this danse macabre.' there's no such word as 'danse', so you might have meant 'dance' or 'dense'? probably just a typo.
second, the formatting is a bit of a turnoff. i used to do it, i know, but recently i've found that people use it as a fallback a lot of times. i don't think you use it as such, but it may strike people that way.
and third, the wordiness that i mentioned in another review of your stuff [your most recent piece] is much less obvious here. some of it [mainly the first paragraph, which is basically just one sentence] still feels a little long-winded, but i dunno, that's really no big deal.
i really like this. wow, what a generic opening line for a review, but i mean it honestly. while i don't think we're very similar in personality, i have friends and acquaintances who seem to act in the sarcastic and rather abrasive way you do, and i have noticed the way people will hover around hoping that a bit of that strange charm will rub off on them. i've always liked work, poem or prose or otherwise, that focuses on the creative problems writers come up against.
a couple of things, mainly quibbles. in this line: 'that many often join in this danse macabre.' there's no such word as 'danse', so you might have meant 'dance' or 'dense'? probably just a typo.
second, the formatting is a bit of a turnoff. i used to do it, i know, but recently i've found that people use it as a fallback a lot of times. i don't think you use it as such, but it may strike people that way.
and third, the wordiness that i mentioned in another review of your stuff [your most recent piece] is much less obvious here. some of it [mainly the first paragraph, which is basically just one sentence] still feels a little long-winded, but i dunno, that's really no big deal.
4/8/2007 c1 20I'mdreamingof Daisy Days
I like this, the words seem to spin themselves around in your head and come out really vividly.
20I'mdreamingof Daisy DaysI like this, the words seem to spin themselves around in your head and come out really vividly.
2/11/2007 c2 30strawberryaid
Hahaha... you make me laugh. I like your condescending manner, but I guess then that I fit the bill that you're trying to say in these two poems. Though I'd have to say I DO have a personality. hahaha
30strawberryaidHahaha... you make me laugh. I like your condescending manner, but I guess then that I fit the bill that you're trying to say in these two poems. Though I'd have to say I DO have a personality. hahaha
2/11/2007 c1 strawberryaid
m Tasteful disturbance from my dense homework world.. it's nice to take a breather, seriously, from the fluffy, happy-lala-land to a bit different, quiet and bitter end. (I'm not saying my homework world is fluffy and happy btw, I was referring to other works on fictionpress)
Nice job
m Tasteful disturbance from my dense homework world.. it's nice to take a breather, seriously, from the fluffy, happy-lala-land to a bit different, quiet and bitter end. (I'm not saying my homework world is fluffy and happy btw, I was referring to other works on fictionpress)
Nice job
2/11/2007 c2 31poemkitten7
Ohh, very intense. Sharp and harsh words used to create a witty vibe to it. Brilliantly written. =] -Sara
31poemkitten7Ohh, very intense. Sharp and harsh words used to create a witty vibe to it. Brilliantly written. =] -Sara
2/11/2007 c1 poemkitten7
Wow, very nicely done. I really like your formatting. Good choice of wording as well. It brings out the emotions of the poem very cleary. =] Keep writing. -Sara
Wow, very nicely done. I really like your formatting. Good choice of wording as well. It brings out the emotions of the poem very cleary. =] Keep writing. -Sara