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8/30/2006 c2 16Kiyoko Usagi
the suspence is building up quite a bitextremely good plot.
8/7/2006 c2 SeraphiumRose
I enjoyed this chapter as much as the first one and I am highly anticipating the next chapter. So far your plot is moving along very well and your story is clear and easy to read. You do a very nice job of pulling the reader into the story. Can't wait for your next update!
7/28/2006 c2 1call me bitch
this is interesting. Kaila's so cute, falling down like that. but really, is that even possible for a human to have such bad sense of balance. so i do fall ocassionally while walking, but doing so everyday and every hour seems a ltitle too much. this is such an interesting plot. please update soon? hee...
7/27/2006 c2 Claire-a-bell
I have a couple of suggestions.1) Don't capatalize everything while she is yelling at her sibling and friend. Exclamation points and context work fine, people know she is yelling.2) When she thinks, you don't need to put it in quotes. Just type whatever she thought, put a coma, and then say, she thought. It gets a little confusing because it makes it seem like she is talking to herself all of the time.

I got that she was a bit of a clutz before, and I liked that flaw in her. But in this chapter she came off a tad vapid. Well, stupid in general. Reguardless, the story is progressing, but don't worry about rushing. Take things as slow as you want. Sometimes it is better to get to know a character before things get so crazy. I'll be watching for the next update.
7/18/2006 c1 12the devil herself
i like this story do update soon. the devil herself
7/18/2006 c1 6Ollie May
Very good! Xerxes is interesting, and Kaila endearing. Please continue soon, I'm very interested!

Ollie May
7/18/2006 c1 SeraphiumRose
So far I really like this new story and I can not wait for more. Although you are right in saying that it is a bit slow it already intrigues me and makes me want to learn more. I can tell already that this is going to be one of my favorite stories. By the way I like your other stories very much as well. Keep up the good work, in my opinion, you are very talented writer.
7/18/2006 c1 Claire-a-bell
It looks like a very promising story. The characters interest you right away and the plot starts off quickly, but isn't so in the middle that the story is confusing. I didn't see any real issues.

I'll be looking forward to an update. Good luck.
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