for Möbius Strip9/28/2012 c14 Guest
I didn't feel much empathy (or anything else) in this chapter. it was just a thing compared to the previous ones... but, Sandra brings a sense of happiness (liveliness than happiness) in this chapter. it doesn't make the chapter artificially serene, but gives color to Terry's cheeks.
also, I'm not sure if you meant to use the parenthesis in this format:
" The movement was quick and natural when she moved forward and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder, closing (her (eyes.)) "
it's not in a paragraph break, and I guess there wouldn't be a need for one in this situation.
I didn't feel much empathy (or anything else) in this chapter. it was just a thing compared to the previous ones... but, Sandra brings a sense of happiness (liveliness than happiness) in this chapter. it doesn't make the chapter artificially serene, but gives color to Terry's cheeks.
also, I'm not sure if you meant to use the parenthesis in this format:
" The movement was quick and natural when she moved forward and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder, closing (her (eyes.)) "
it's not in a paragraph break, and I guess there wouldn't be a need for one in this situation.
9/26/2012 c13 youths
shit.
also, I love the gore/that eye scene! everything was so filthy and disgusting, and the needle-I pulled my arms toward my face in fear-and "gelatinous matter squirted" ahhhhh! all the minuscule details and blood and other bodily particles bursting out from the eye... so good.
shit.
also, I love the gore/that eye scene! everything was so filthy and disgusting, and the needle-I pulled my arms toward my face in fear-and "gelatinous matter squirted" ahhhhh! all the minuscule details and blood and other bodily particles bursting out from the eye... so good.
9/26/2012 c12 youths
it doesn't seem okay to end it right here-I mean, it just sounds like you cut off a sentence. sort of like a chapter book for elementary students with annoying "dun dun dun, next chapter" or when you're talking to someone and they suddenly walk away rudely.
I'm not saying it's like one of those soap operas with their "To Be Continued" cheesiness, but. I mean. I don't know why it's bothering me, lol. maybe end it with some details of Sandra pausing, or biting her lip or steeling her eyes? something?
the introduction of Sandra made it very awkward and too real. suddenly there's a "real" person who is grounded to the world in comparison to the characters you've given so far. you've put reality back in the floating dream.
it doesn't seem okay to end it right here-I mean, it just sounds like you cut off a sentence. sort of like a chapter book for elementary students with annoying "dun dun dun, next chapter" or when you're talking to someone and they suddenly walk away rudely.
I'm not saying it's like one of those soap operas with their "To Be Continued" cheesiness, but. I mean. I don't know why it's bothering me, lol. maybe end it with some details of Sandra pausing, or biting her lip or steeling her eyes? something?
the introduction of Sandra made it very awkward and too real. suddenly there's a "real" person who is grounded to the world in comparison to the characters you've given so far. you've put reality back in the floating dream.
9/26/2012 c10 youths
this is terrifying
this is terrifying
9/25/2012 c8 Guest
I keep thinking it's something like The Veil in Harry Potter. or that those delayed footsteps might become synchronized and there's someone actually there. also, I'm imagining the room to be dark, with a blue tinge of light emanating-kind of like the light peeking from under a closed door in a dark hallway, so I'm trying to figure out how Terry can see details and color clearly.
I keep thinking it's something like The Veil in Harry Potter. or that those delayed footsteps might become synchronized and there's someone actually there. also, I'm imagining the room to be dark, with a blue tinge of light emanating-kind of like the light peeking from under a closed door in a dark hallway, so I'm trying to figure out how Terry can see details and color clearly.
9/24/2012 c6 youths
I had some trouble trying to envision the peekaboo wood Terry saw before he moved the desk. other than that, the cold, slow trickle between my back felt good.
I had some trouble trying to envision the peekaboo wood Terry saw before he moved the desk. other than that, the cold, slow trickle between my back felt good.
9/24/2012 c5 Guest
nnnngh, I thought it would be some sort of "The Ring" ending.
great atmosphere!
nnnngh, I thought it would be some sort of "The Ring" ending.
great atmosphere!
9/24/2012 c4 youths
oh no! I feel embarrassed that I might have been wrong about my earlier guess.. maybe it pales in comparison to what really occurred.
oh no! I feel embarrassed that I might have been wrong about my earlier guess.. maybe it pales in comparison to what really occurred.
9/24/2012 c3 youths
oh god, I thought you were going to introduce some kind of KKK thing into the mix.. and the "motionless feet"? I thought Judy was performing fellatio or... shot to death...
oh god, I thought you were going to introduce some kind of KKK thing into the mix.. and the "motionless feet"? I thought Judy was performing fellatio or... shot to death...
9/24/2012 c2 youths
ugh, I LOVE the favor at the end. I didn't understand what happened at first-was the sticky, salty taste something you get before/after doing something sick? at first I thought Terry murdered someone, but it was only until he entered his own apartment.. when it truly sunk in...
from a reader's perspective (mine, hah) it is such a turn on that you didn't explicitly mention what happened. I was forced to guess the answer, and your subtle hints (or maybe not) finally clicked and it was great.
it was beautiful in a gagging-disturbing way.
ugh, I LOVE the favor at the end. I didn't understand what happened at first-was the sticky, salty taste something you get before/after doing something sick? at first I thought Terry murdered someone, but it was only until he entered his own apartment.. when it truly sunk in...
from a reader's perspective (mine, hah) it is such a turn on that you didn't explicitly mention what happened. I was forced to guess the answer, and your subtle hints (or maybe not) finally clicked and it was great.
it was beautiful in a gagging-disturbing way.
4/24/2010 c44 ghostparties
AAH! Complete mindf*ck going on here! Mobius strips burning - as if the kind of parallel universe is finally disappearing? And who are the masked men? I swear, more questions have been created in the 'epilogue' than you've answered. But the Penitent reminds me so much of Pyramid Head from the gme 'Silent Hill 2'. I wonder if those two figures are a representation of Terry and Madeline somehow? Like their consciences telling them subconciously where to go and what to do? I'm overthinking... but I need to know!
Loved the style, loved the characterisation, loved the mindf*ck. Brilliant
AAH! Complete mindf*ck going on here! Mobius strips burning - as if the kind of parallel universe is finally disappearing? And who are the masked men? I swear, more questions have been created in the 'epilogue' than you've answered. But the Penitent reminds me so much of Pyramid Head from the gme 'Silent Hill 2'. I wonder if those two figures are a representation of Terry and Madeline somehow? Like their consciences telling them subconciously where to go and what to do? I'm overthinking... but I need to know!
Loved the style, loved the characterisation, loved the mindf*ck. Brilliant
12/21/2008 c33 your partner in crime
i think this is one of my favorite chapters. the sudden shift in the writing style really fits the charter we're following in this particular chapter. considering how personal the narrative tends to be, this approach really fits. if you were to do this again, would you try to inject more of the charter's voice into your writing style? the heavy references to beauty and the beast tie up nicely with seth's self analysis and analogy drawn the fairy tail big bad wolf..
first time round i didn't notice how prominent the duality of the charters was, even when they don't recognize it in themselves. it's also amazing how your perception of them changes depending on the point of view.
oh god, i've just read/listened to like nine chapters. this is a bit too addictive for its own good.
i think this is one of my favorite chapters. the sudden shift in the writing style really fits the charter we're following in this particular chapter. considering how personal the narrative tends to be, this approach really fits. if you were to do this again, would you try to inject more of the charter's voice into your writing style? the heavy references to beauty and the beast tie up nicely with seth's self analysis and analogy drawn the fairy tail big bad wolf..
first time round i didn't notice how prominent the duality of the charters was, even when they don't recognize it in themselves. it's also amazing how your perception of them changes depending on the point of view.
oh god, i've just read/listened to like nine chapters. this is a bit too addictive for its own good.
12/21/2008 c24 your partner in crime
"all with just one girl at a time, all softcore."
hyper nitpick time- it would have to be softcore, right? i though the difference between that and hardcore porn was that the latter contains visible erect male genitalia (the more you know!)... then again, that might just refer to porno flicks and not live shows.
"all with just one girl at a time, all softcore."
hyper nitpick time- it would have to be softcore, right? i though the difference between that and hardcore porn was that the latter contains visible erect male genitalia (the more you know!)... then again, that might just refer to porno flicks and not live shows.
11/19/2008 c20 your partner in crime
gah, even on the second reading this whole mind bending twist still packs one hell of a punch. of course, with hind sights, you can still see how the past and present slowly begin to merge into one and the same in the previous chapter, but still, it's SUCH a clever twist.
with this whole loop thing, it really makes you wonder how the charters got into this series of circumstances in the first place... it's utterly paradoxical and impossible (much like the story's name sake) and i fear thinking about it too hard is probably going to make my head explode.
also, the lack of attachment in those two closing paragraphs when describing the final resting place of these charters who we've invested so much in emotionally is so very cold and numbing.
gah, even on the second reading this whole mind bending twist still packs one hell of a punch. of course, with hind sights, you can still see how the past and present slowly begin to merge into one and the same in the previous chapter, but still, it's SUCH a clever twist.
with this whole loop thing, it really makes you wonder how the charters got into this series of circumstances in the first place... it's utterly paradoxical and impossible (much like the story's name sake) and i fear thinking about it too hard is probably going to make my head explode.
also, the lack of attachment in those two closing paragraphs when describing the final resting place of these charters who we've invested so much in emotionally is so very cold and numbing.
1/27/2008 c44 
16Boooklover
OK, just finished reading this for the 2nd time 'cos I got a little confused first time around (looks sheepish). Anyway, this is really amazing; very dark and surreal, plus the descriptions and the weird word positioning were really effective. By the way, I loved it when Seth referred to Dampmine; it was ironic that he seemed to think it was a quiet place. To summarise: FANTASTIC.
16BoookloverOK, just finished reading this for the 2nd time 'cos I got a little confused first time around (looks sheepish). Anyway, this is really amazing; very dark and surreal, plus the descriptions and the weird word positioning were really effective. By the way, I loved it when Seth referred to Dampmine; it was ironic that he seemed to think it was a quiet place. To summarise: FANTASTIC.