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1/13/2008 c37 your patner in crime
ok, i know i keep on harping on about this but i really love the way this story loops (the twiating of the opening was an especially neat touch) since it's been cycle after cycle. indeed, terry and madiline's minus chapters were pretty much mirror images of one another. you can't help but feel that things might end up a little differently in reguards to terry's radical change in behaviour.

up to this point, the albino had a certain mystique hanging around her, however these last few chapters were most enlightening, reavealing her to be just as broken (if not unervingly in the know) as the rest of this story's sad cast. while on that note, the julliett chapter was SUPERBE. you truly ddid feel that you were experiencing this weird world through the eyes of a little girl thanks to the way you tweaked your style and choise of metaphors. onething i really wish i could do is write things so tightly knitted. the allusions to fairy tales and beuty and the beast were so very effective.

longlegs' pleas for forgivness as he bungled up julliet were so repulsive and pitiful.

gah, this is such a wonderful mind fuck, even though you're revealed the machinery that keeps this story going and going and going.
1/4/2008 c30 your patner in crime
wow... this just got incredibly dark.

seeing this from the flip side really adds so much to the story. everything's so neatly tied together and at the same time we get to learn so much more about the charaters. Judy's become far more noble (well, in some respects at least) while terry's appears far more pathetic and monstorous.

the allusions to Judy's childhood and the dress incident work to make her seem all the more dwarfed by the extremally unfortunate circumstances she's become wrapped up in and it really contributes to the fearful note in your writing when things start going tits up. you have a real knack for writting the sureeal as well; the scene in the club had a real other worldly vibe to it.
12/29/2007 c23 your patner in crime
gah, the structure of this stiry is just... so... m. right at the start it felt as though we'd been thrown right into the thick of something which is precisly what you did. clearly the concept of the mobius stip is an integral part to this story, both in terms of the fact that these charaters seem to be caught in an endless loop and the charaters themselves (perticularly seth, judy and terry who all seem to be double sided as it were).

i sinceraly hop you're going to try and publish this one day.
12/29/2007 c15 your patern in crime
nice ZO refrence there... also, seeing as i'm writting this now, i really do love the way you imerse all your stories in culture, perticualy films. it's a neat touch that makes the world these bts of writting are set in feel all the more tengible.
12/26/2007 c14 your patner in crime
ok, so the website didn't let you format this the way you wanted it to but still, the funky formatting is really effective in reguards to 'layering' this story and allowing you to link multipul things. it's really effective when yo break out into narrating the drug trips or EXTREAM emotional moments- in the case of terry, it comes to an increasingly manic, dijointed climax.

your description of the innards of femme fatal was utterly foul, thanks in part to madiline's reaction and subjective narration. the surreal touches are so wonderfully odd, e.g. the sound delay in the other room (capitalisation gives it so much more presance) and at times horrific (the horse). i can safely say that this is keeping me on the edge of my seat and i have NO clue where this is going next.
12/24/2007 c7 your partner in crime
i sat down to read this and just chompped through the first seven chapters. needless to say, so far this is a gripping read. one thing that stikes me the most is the atmosphere you've created. though both protagonists are intreuging in their own right, it's the charater of the city that sticks out the most. you've managed to create something monsterouse with it, what with the dark descriptions, oppresive gloom and the creatures that inhabit it. it all feels rather film noir.

then, of course, there's the surreal element such as the video tape and malchovich door popping up in terry's appartment which work to keep you hooked beyond the fact you've thrown us in at the deep end.

your writting here is like a visual over load. i greatly look fowards to sitting down with this again.. and soon.
8/12/2007 c43 12theTwilightPen
My god.

I've watched this story for what seemed a year, a hair-raising, spine-tingling year and now it's all over.

Just like that.

I'm both relieved and a little bummed that the ride's over, but can tell you this much right off the bat.

You're a genius. You're the type of writer I want to be when I get older, and when it comes to plots, voice and everything else I will look to you for advice.

And another thing: I suggest you strongly consider writing this into a screenplay. You might be doubtful about it now, but Hollywood needs material like this. Desperately.

Excellent job. Fantastic job.

Until next time,

~TwlightPen
8/9/2007 c44 Sir Exal
Very nice, very nice.

As you undo others, so you are undone. So long, Daddy Longlegs. Awesome.

I think there's a loose end or two that could have been tied up, and I'm not sure what the faces of the Mobius Men not being revealed means, but still very, very nice.
8/9/2007 c44 archived
*gasp* It's over! Well I guess I sensed the end was near...*sniff* now I'll have to read it again from the beginning. maybe read it a few more times, to try and understand everything more fully.

An amazing ending to an amazing story...I don't know what more a reader could want. I look forward to your next story - congrats on this one!

-L-
6/29/2007 c39 9Sir Exal
Ha ha! You're back and better than ever!

If there was one thing I disliked about the previous chapters, it was that they got bogged down in their own surrealism. You've entirely remedied that now. Slowly uniting the characters, finding out all the truth...aw yeah, this is going to be awesome.
3/8/2007 c33 archived
oh god...every kid's worst nightmare. and their parent's.

i like the child's voice narrating a lot. i hope she's okay in the end.

keep up the great writing!

-L-
3/8/2007 c33 12theTwilightPen
Ah...so now we have a child in the Strip.

Scary. Very well done and surprising-dur-because I hadn't quite expected someone of the smaller variety to find their way into this story.

However-I'd really like it if Juliette was the psuedo-'survivor' of this entire thing. That'd be kinda cool. ;)

As always, incredibly well done, blah, blah, blah, I trust you will continue.
2/16/2007 c32 theTwilightPen
...I love this story dearly, and now I'm getting sad as I see even Seth-who I had thought as the true good guy in this story-deteoriate like his earlier predessors with the Mobius Strip.

I am sad. :(

But the last chapter with Judy was absolutely excellent, and even this is just expanding the story and making the tension even more severe. When evah will the story finish? Or will it ever finish?

Thanks for the fantastic (as always) read.
1/20/2007 c28 theTwilightPen
...you know what I'll say. That while I'm confused and disturbed and (Jesus Christ that's scary) somewhat intrigued that I will continue to read this out of morbid curiosity.

This is good. It's getting eerie as hell but that's why I'm reading it, huh?
1/16/2007 c27 archived
wow...i'm highly confused. Every chapter of this story answers about 3 questions from earlier chapters but brings up about 9 new questions...at the rate you're going you'll have to have about 150 more chapters to explain it all.

no, ok, i just made up that number. Besides, I wouldn't mind if this story just went on forever and ever, since your writing style is so intriguing and addicting. I could definitely feel Judy's urge to run and get out of the city, and I desparately wanted her to take Madeleine with her and just get OUT. but we all know that running away from your problems does no good...

keep it up!

-L-
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