for Magnolias10/4/2006 c1 Delete Account Please
Ew, I love this far too much. I find there are too many things I like to write them all down, so, I won't. Probably my favorite aspect is that she is self-conscious of her problem(s). I also love parents who ignore their children's problems.
Ew, I love this far too much. I find there are too many things I like to write them all down, so, I won't. Probably my favorite aspect is that she is self-conscious of her problem(s). I also love parents who ignore their children's problems.
10/1/2006 c1 
17Galleena
It's great, it really is but I think maybe this sentence may have put readers off a bit:
Her hair was completely limp and gravity pulled it down without finding resistance into a thin curtain that cut off her head and neck from the world.
It's a bit too long and I found it almost incomprehensible on the first read. other than that I thought your images were highly effective. I want to shake her and tell the girl to cop onto herself. At the same time I felt really sad about her plight, why can't she see what's she's doing to herself?
17GalleenaIt's great, it really is but I think maybe this sentence may have put readers off a bit:
Her hair was completely limp and gravity pulled it down without finding resistance into a thin curtain that cut off her head and neck from the world.
It's a bit too long and I found it almost incomprehensible on the first read. other than that I thought your images were highly effective. I want to shake her and tell the girl to cop onto herself. At the same time I felt really sad about her plight, why can't she see what's she's doing to herself?
7/22/2006 c1 10back row dancer
The first paragraph reminds me of "Hold on Magnolia" by Jason Molina. I like this and how it's so descriptive but then it turns out it was just a dream.
Thank you for the review on my "Black and White Paintings", but it was a Choka in Haiku form. I trust you know what a Haiku is, but most people don't know what Chokas are. A Choka is composed of at least two 5-7 lines with a 5-7-7 at the end of that. However, thank you for your critique, it was well rounded. Good job (on the story and on the review).
10back row dancerThe first paragraph reminds me of "Hold on Magnolia" by Jason Molina. I like this and how it's so descriptive but then it turns out it was just a dream.
Thank you for the review on my "Black and White Paintings", but it was a Choka in Haiku form. I trust you know what a Haiku is, but most people don't know what Chokas are. A Choka is composed of at least two 5-7 lines with a 5-7-7 at the end of that. However, thank you for your critique, it was well rounded. Good job (on the story and on the review).
7/21/2006 c1 Remei Bargeld
An unusual piece, nice and vague, it suggests many things but leaves it open to interpretation.I especially liked "gravity pulled it down without finding resistance into a thin curtain that cut off her head and neck from the world". Gives a sense of how morbid or awful she seems to feel.
An unusual piece, nice and vague, it suggests many things but leaves it open to interpretation.I especially liked "gravity pulled it down without finding resistance into a thin curtain that cut off her head and neck from the world". Gives a sense of how morbid or awful she seems to feel.
7/21/2006 c1 48chocohound
Creepily, deliciously great! I loved the undertone;the real issue in the story. You did a great job writing in the abstract point of view.
I read it through three times, so it's going in my favorites!
48chocohoundCreepily, deliciously great! I loved the undertone;the real issue in the story. You did a great job writing in the abstract point of view.
I read it through three times, so it's going in my favorites!