for Brown Eyes8/29/2010 c22 xInkMusique
:O this story is amazing. Probably the best written on FP. I honestly think you can publish this if you work with it a bit more. First, the depth of this story is amazing. How the present and past gets woven together. And just the idea of Dante and Cassidy separating because they loved each other too much. I also love each character, although I think it could be worked on some more. I love Dante's depth and Cassidy's, but I feel like Cassidy's personality was more told to us instead of woven into the story. I feel like the other side characters aren't too prominent, but that's probably because they have a lot less screentime. I think the reason (the main one) I totally love this story is how Cassidy and Dante are so effing in love with each other and meant, but Dante also loves Laurita. And Cassidy calls their relationship "meant", but she also sometimes wonders what exactly that means. Basically I love each and every relationship and how utterly realistic and blurred they are.
One thing I didn't like were the flashbacks. I do love the perspective into Dante and Cassidy and sometimes Rick's relationship, but as I said above it seems too 'told'. I guess to me, flashbacks are shorthand for laziness (but I still love them. It's a love-hate relationship) and I felt like a few of the flashbacks in the beginning seem a bit unnecessary. Also, in the Summer chapters, the transition between the present and past seemed blurry and I got confused a lot (although considering it's a bit past 4, I think ill blame my sleep-deprived brains). If you ever decide to rewrite to shorten and tighten it, I suggest taking that whole part out and rewriting it as a conversation between the two. If there are things that you can't seem to put into dialogue you can do something like"her throat tightened as she remembered...". Not necessarily in those words (I don't consider myself as a great writer so I won't mind if you think that was too cheesy :P) but some other way to weave it in. I'm not saying I hate the flashback, the in-love D&C couple are
:O this story is amazing. Probably the best written on FP. I honestly think you can publish this if you work with it a bit more. First, the depth of this story is amazing. How the present and past gets woven together. And just the idea of Dante and Cassidy separating because they loved each other too much. I also love each character, although I think it could be worked on some more. I love Dante's depth and Cassidy's, but I feel like Cassidy's personality was more told to us instead of woven into the story. I feel like the other side characters aren't too prominent, but that's probably because they have a lot less screentime. I think the reason (the main one) I totally love this story is how Cassidy and Dante are so effing in love with each other and meant, but Dante also loves Laurita. And Cassidy calls their relationship "meant", but she also sometimes wonders what exactly that means. Basically I love each and every relationship and how utterly realistic and blurred they are.
One thing I didn't like were the flashbacks. I do love the perspective into Dante and Cassidy and sometimes Rick's relationship, but as I said above it seems too 'told'. I guess to me, flashbacks are shorthand for laziness (but I still love them. It's a love-hate relationship) and I felt like a few of the flashbacks in the beginning seem a bit unnecessary. Also, in the Summer chapters, the transition between the present and past seemed blurry and I got confused a lot (although considering it's a bit past 4, I think ill blame my sleep-deprived brains). If you ever decide to rewrite to shorten and tighten it, I suggest taking that whole part out and rewriting it as a conversation between the two. If there are things that you can't seem to put into dialogue you can do something like"her throat tightened as she remembered...". Not necessarily in those words (I don't consider myself as a great writer so I won't mind if you think that was too cheesy :P) but some other way to weave it in. I'm not saying I hate the flashback, the in-love D&C couple are
8/28/2010 c22 
1hcrmiones
Oh my... Ok, so I read the first few chapters of this story a while back, and then I forgot to read the rest, and I just read the rest earlier today. You girl, have a talent for displaying emotion so clearly through your writing. This story made me cry and well, ache and feel pain for the character, which takes a lot, let me tell you. I just can't get this plot and drama out of my head. This has only happened with one other book and just one movie. I usually hate sad stuff, because it hurts me really. But, this story is so good, that well, I love it. The characters are so real and believable. I just hope that there is a happy ending. If I was Cassidy, I'd die from pain. I feel so bad for her. I just hope that she stops being stubborn and realizes that talking will help fix their relationship. Cause honestly, even though her selflessness is admirable, it's okay to be selfish once and a while. And Dante just better fall out of love with Laurita fast. Anyway, great job, I love your style and descriptiveness, I really envy you. haha. And please write a happy ending?
Can't wait for more
myblackinkpen
1hcrmionesOh my... Ok, so I read the first few chapters of this story a while back, and then I forgot to read the rest, and I just read the rest earlier today. You girl, have a talent for displaying emotion so clearly through your writing. This story made me cry and well, ache and feel pain for the character, which takes a lot, let me tell you. I just can't get this plot and drama out of my head. This has only happened with one other book and just one movie. I usually hate sad stuff, because it hurts me really. But, this story is so good, that well, I love it. The characters are so real and believable. I just hope that there is a happy ending. If I was Cassidy, I'd die from pain. I feel so bad for her. I just hope that she stops being stubborn and realizes that talking will help fix their relationship. Cause honestly, even though her selflessness is admirable, it's okay to be selfish once and a while. And Dante just better fall out of love with Laurita fast. Anyway, great job, I love your style and descriptiveness, I really envy you. haha. And please write a happy ending?
Can't wait for more
myblackinkpen
8/28/2010 c22 1Jaliy
This story was amazing..truly entertaining and Cassidy is such an awesome character.
Good Job!
Jaliy!~
1JaliyThis story was amazing..truly entertaining and Cassidy is such an awesome character.
Good Job!
Jaliy!~
8/27/2010 c22 heelsovrhead
I read your story through one sitting. And truthfully there were parts that confused me. But that's a good thing. Because well, not many stories have the power to make me want to read them again. But I love your story so much! & I will read it, over and over again. I hope that you post soon because it was so amazing. I cried during so many parts. I really do hope there's a happy ending because i don't know what i'd do if there wasn't. Seriously, your story is turning me into a ball of mush. I love/hate Dante and Cassidy because they frustrate me so much. They're so perfect for eachother yet they keep holding their feelings back. Well... no one's perfect right? I know that this story isn't finished but i really do hope that you write a sequel. and get published! I would so buy this book! I hope your upload soon!
I read your story through one sitting. And truthfully there were parts that confused me. But that's a good thing. Because well, not many stories have the power to make me want to read them again. But I love your story so much! & I will read it, over and over again. I hope that you post soon because it was so amazing. I cried during so many parts. I really do hope there's a happy ending because i don't know what i'd do if there wasn't. Seriously, your story is turning me into a ball of mush. I love/hate Dante and Cassidy because they frustrate me so much. They're so perfect for eachother yet they keep holding their feelings back. Well... no one's perfect right? I know that this story isn't finished but i really do hope that you write a sequel. and get published! I would so buy this book! I hope your upload soon!
8/23/2010 c22 Rilan Morr
Okay, okay. You frackin' caught me!
I smiled throughout that entire Making a Video scene, it was just way too cute how they'd try to get their word out there before the other. Kinda reminds me of me and He Who Shall Not Be Named. Don't let your eyebrows go up, yet. No chances of us actually getting somewhere. And surprisingly, I'm okay with that. But when we do that whole sentence thing, its more like finishing each others sentences. And no, it's not that aw cute kinda thing, it's more along the lines of "OK, that's just freaky," because really, it is. It is freaky.
…and kinda weird., you know? Or maybe you don't. Most people, in response to my repetitive "You know?"s, would be like, "No… I don't."
But back to where I was before I started going on about HWSNBN and how sometimes people don't know.
I remember you saying a lot earlier about how Cass and Dante's relationship was too fragile to skip all this and go straight to the whole kiss, kiss, fall in love part. I get you. I don't think I'd like this story as much if you rushed into things! It has a nice pace.
But when you said that, I didn't really understand that. I mean, when you said they were fragile, I was all, "Fragile? Just how fragile can they be?" and then I read more and now, yes, I totally understand!
Or maybe I'm just kidding myself.
I'll just go along with me understanding. Anyway, yeah, I kinda understand now. They have this history. And not just any history. A deep history, really, that can't really be overlooked when they (or if) try to get together or anything, you know?
I feel like I'm not making any sense right now, you have no idea.
But okay, I've said what I want to say and yes, I do hope you update! No rush, though. Most people wouldn't like a rushed chapter, you kno-
Darn it. I almost said it. LOL
Okay, okay. You frackin' caught me!
I smiled throughout that entire Making a Video scene, it was just way too cute how they'd try to get their word out there before the other. Kinda reminds me of me and He Who Shall Not Be Named. Don't let your eyebrows go up, yet. No chances of us actually getting somewhere. And surprisingly, I'm okay with that. But when we do that whole sentence thing, its more like finishing each others sentences. And no, it's not that aw cute kinda thing, it's more along the lines of "OK, that's just freaky," because really, it is. It is freaky.
…and kinda weird., you know? Or maybe you don't. Most people, in response to my repetitive "You know?"s, would be like, "No… I don't."
But back to where I was before I started going on about HWSNBN and how sometimes people don't know.
I remember you saying a lot earlier about how Cass and Dante's relationship was too fragile to skip all this and go straight to the whole kiss, kiss, fall in love part. I get you. I don't think I'd like this story as much if you rushed into things! It has a nice pace.
But when you said that, I didn't really understand that. I mean, when you said they were fragile, I was all, "Fragile? Just how fragile can they be?" and then I read more and now, yes, I totally understand!
Or maybe I'm just kidding myself.
I'll just go along with me understanding. Anyway, yeah, I kinda understand now. They have this history. And not just any history. A deep history, really, that can't really be overlooked when they (or if) try to get together or anything, you know?
I feel like I'm not making any sense right now, you have no idea.
But okay, I've said what I want to say and yes, I do hope you update! No rush, though. Most people wouldn't like a rushed chapter, you kno-
Darn it. I almost said it. LOL
8/21/2010 c22 13youngin-matomon
u NEVER finish ur stories. and they are so amazing that ur un-updating-ness is pissing me off. this time.. PLEASE hurry up and update... PLEASE.
I LOVE DANTE. Jeez u make me fall in freaking love with the characters -_- oh well :D
still waiting
13youngin-matomonu NEVER finish ur stories. and they are so amazing that ur un-updating-ness is pissing me off. this time.. PLEASE hurry up and update... PLEASE.
I LOVE DANTE. Jeez u make me fall in freaking love with the characters -_- oh well :D
still waiting
8/19/2010 c5 youngin-matomon
me love this alott :) me love you alott. but its really confusing. why did dante say that on her 10th birthday? and now he likes her? ugh i dont get it!
me love this alott :) me love you alott. but its really confusing. why did dante say that on her 10th birthday? and now he likes her? ugh i dont get it!
8/13/2010 c2 Mushypork
HAhahah I love how this chapter was written! Sadly my dad does the same tuning out thing.. =_= but I have only caught on to his habit after 17 years of living... XDD hahah even when he's speaking to other people he makes up what they say
HAhahah I love how this chapter was written! Sadly my dad does the same tuning out thing.. =_= but I have only caught on to his habit after 17 years of living... XDD hahah even when he's speaking to other people he makes up what they say
8/12/2010 c22 1CityMermaid
I've been following your story since 2006 but I just reread it and I can't believe how much I still love it.
Please let me say that your way of bringing out the whole idea that Dante and Cassidy needed to be apart because they were too young and too deeply in love was fantastic. I always thought it was a very hard concept for people to grasp. They are in love but they want to stay away from each other? But the way you wrote it made perfect sense! It made the story real.. In reality we do quite often run away from love in fear of getting hurt.
So I really hope Dante and Cassidy can be good examples to let people know that sometimes you just have to be brave and face love!
Update soon =D
1CityMermaidI've been following your story since 2006 but I just reread it and I can't believe how much I still love it.
Please let me say that your way of bringing out the whole idea that Dante and Cassidy needed to be apart because they were too young and too deeply in love was fantastic. I always thought it was a very hard concept for people to grasp. They are in love but they want to stay away from each other? But the way you wrote it made perfect sense! It made the story real.. In reality we do quite often run away from love in fear of getting hurt.
So I really hope Dante and Cassidy can be good examples to let people know that sometimes you just have to be brave and face love!
Update soon =D
8/11/2010 c22 rebelforever
I originally started reading this story before you started rewriting it. It soon became one of my favorites and therefore I was sad that you took time to rewrite it leaving the story hanging for about a year. I am so happy that you are once again updating regularly because I am once again addicted to this story.
I originally started reading this story before you started rewriting it. It soon became one of my favorites and therefore I was sad that you took time to rewrite it leaving the story hanging for about a year. I am so happy that you are once again updating regularly because I am once again addicted to this story.
8/8/2010 c22 too-cool-4-ya
wow! i really love this story. it just keeps getting better and better. hope you update soon
wow! i really love this story. it just keeps getting better and better. hope you update soon
8/4/2010 c22 4wakeyourdreamz
Wow. What you've got has blown my mind into oblivion.
I love how even when you're writing from Dante's perspective, you can still see how you write as Cassidy, and even though it may be unintentional, it kind of gives the story that relatable aspect. Like, the connection between the two deepens even more with their similarity. I really, really liked that!
Please don't make her fall in love with Rick. Because, that would just break my heart in two, I kid you not. It's a cliché right? So, she has to fall in love with Danté...Please?
Anyway, this is amazing work, 4 years in the making but wonderful nonetheless.
Great work!
4wakeyourdreamzWow. What you've got has blown my mind into oblivion.
I love how even when you're writing from Dante's perspective, you can still see how you write as Cassidy, and even though it may be unintentional, it kind of gives the story that relatable aspect. Like, the connection between the two deepens even more with their similarity. I really, really liked that!
Please don't make her fall in love with Rick. Because, that would just break my heart in two, I kid you not. It's a cliché right? So, she has to fall in love with Danté...Please?
Anyway, this is amazing work, 4 years in the making but wonderful nonetheless.
Great work!
8/2/2010 c22 fisheye lens
This line:
"You know us
Gallo girls,
we only fall in
love once."
Like whoa.
It really
stood out to me
and I hope that
Dante and Cassidy
will get a
happy ending
soon.
Everything (particularly
the end - or maybe it's
because I'm looking at it)
speaks to me. Us.
Just the emotion is
a total rollercoaster.
I'm really excited
for the
next chapter.
This line:
"You know us
Gallo girls,
we only fall in
love once."
Like whoa.
It really
stood out to me
and I hope that
Dante and Cassidy
will get a
happy ending
soon.
Everything (particularly
the end - or maybe it's
because I'm looking at it)
speaks to me. Us.
Just the emotion is
a total rollercoaster.
I'm really excited
for the
next chapter.