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for Evil Love Immortal

12/13/2008 c4 6kosovka
Can't wait to read more! I will be on the look out for the next chapter. I love the sneak peaks, and the sarcasm of the story adds to the apeal! Nicely done!
2/7/2007 c4 Gaiawtch
I really liked this. I did notice several small errors. (I know my own story is loaded with them, but watch out for them because they make the story a bit confusing, as you may be able to tell from my own writing haha) Are you going to update? This last chapter is what really hooked me. Oh, and thanks for oyur review!
1/12/2007 c3 12ohboypizza
thanks for the reviews (compliments, comments and criticism) The third chapter will be coming up soon, so don't give up on the story just yet.
10/5/2006 c3 smiley
scari stori, wriet morr, yess?
10/5/2006 c2 Lyela
good story :)cant wait 4 more
10/4/2006 c2 Amanda
I think you did good so far.Keep up the good work, I'm really drawn to what you write.
7/24/2006 c1 65SarahJaneDrkAngl05
this sounds like a good read. cant wait to keep reading!

~SarahJane
7/23/2006 c2 59Frore
Just finished chapter two. A few things to edit (and please don't be discouraged, criticism makes us all better!):

"My parents had bought the house in this neighborhood because it was big and closer to the schools, our parents would never have been able to buy a house like ours, but our house was priced way down and no one wanted to buy it. I heard that someone had died in there, but the real estate agent had said it was because it was because the house had a crawl-space and there was some remodeling needed in the house. Either way, our parents were just glad to move out of our old little house, and into the spacious big one."

You can take out one of those "because"'s, and the word "house" was used too much. A blunder in writing I always find is the use of a particular word too much. Thesaurus.com offers a variety of terms when you're running low. Handy lil' tool, trust me. ;)

"I unexpectedly arrived at the cemetery sooner than I had expected to."

The above sentence is not necessary. When you said that she arrived at the cemetery sooner than anticipated, then needless to say, it was "unexpected," yes?

Other than these kinds of errors, there are a few grammatical and typographical mishaps (fortunately, those are easy to correct). It's not something that I'm going to jump down your throat about. Please don't be offended by my critique, dear. We're all just trying to improve our skills here, and if it's any consolation, this piece is definately NOT worthy of an out-right flame.

Now to read on...
7/23/2006 c1 Frore
Interesting first chapter. The idea of a girl being the absolute embodiment of "perfection" makes her quite two dimensional, flaws are an important part of character development... But we'll have to wait and see how the story goes to determine that. Onward!
7/23/2006 c1 8I wont let you hold me down
Oh, spooky! Good intro!
7/22/2006 c1 12ohboypizza
Thank you very much, i really appretiate the reviews.

ohboypizza random facts: I was not born in America
7/22/2006 c2 9Bleeding Inside for Love
Nice 1st chapter! Ca't wait to read more!
7/22/2006 c1 iamacheeto
This is a good beginning!

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