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for Tsubasa Reverse

8/19/2006 c4 7Noihseret
this is like something I would check-out of the library. it's so proffesionally writen! I love the plot too. ^^ I can't wiat for chapter FIVE! bwahahahaha...
8/19/2006 c3 Noihseret
you have created such an amazing world here! really, it's astonishing! ^^ write on, DD!
8/19/2006 c2 Noihseret
woah! creepy judge... I like her name though: Noir. ^^ I like the name Silberkreuz too. you're so creative! *pouts in corner* I'm jealous...

not many people can write as well as you, let alone write an amazing story like this that even grabs my attention (I'm not a big fantasy person simply because not many people can portray it this well!) I was also surprised to find how well you used old english! lol.

I can't wait for more!
8/19/2006 c1 Noihseret
wow. you have such an amazing talent for words! I could see everything in my head as it happened. not to mention I loved how you spaced this with the sound effects. that was clever ^^ to the next chapter! away!
8/19/2006 c1 Danielle Thamasa
Wow, this story is awesome so far. It is a great blend of description and dialogue. I don't often travel outside of the supernatural genre but I am glad that I have. I can't wait to delve into the next chapters but that will have to wait until later as I have plans with family. I don't believe that I spotted any mistakes in this.

Thank you for your review of my story Still Here. I appreciate your honesty, your criticism, and the length. Not many people will speak completely honestly about a story and although I do enjoy reading all of the people who write 'Great work, update soon' I am always on the lookout for people like you who point out both the things they enjoy and the things they believe need to be fixed. I am trying to be the best writer I can be so I appreciate your review greatly.

Danielle Thamasa
8/19/2006 c3 3Adaku
This is much better. I can read the paragraphs now, with out being confused. Also, you probably shouldn't blod your words, just leave Italic.

"His senses cloudy and leaden, he forced his eyes to flutter open; everything was a haze, a blur of grey and the occasional highlights of orange and red."

That's kind of confusing to me. But I got the idea so far. You're a really good author, just keep writing. Till next time

8/19/2006 c2 Adaku
Hi remember me, I was the one of the early reviewers. I can't believe I can't remember this story. Or maybe I forgot. All right, first of your paragraphs are way to wordy. Try to make them smaller, so that it won't be confusing reading a semi-big chunk of words. Make them at least three lines or four. (that's my opinion) You should make a dark story some day. (a gothic one) Although this chapter is wordy, the plot is okay. I like it. I also the details, like this one:

"The armor of the Cruzada men-at-arms were white enameled mail, overlying metal plates in the form of skirts covering their legs from their waist, sky-blue cloaks draped upon their shoulders."

That is some good details there, unlike mine. "TSUBASA REVERSE" sounds like a anime game to me. All right Till next time

8/18/2006 c4 12Lccorp2

T'alnoth of the Gold Flight:

Why is a princess in a bar? Supposedly, she's disguised. Oh jolly good, that means that the palace/castle guards are completely inept at letting a stranger waltz in and out. (I know I'm going off on a tangent now...) Secret passages? No random secret passages just because. Secret passages that lead to the outside of the castle and were intended for escape or bringing in supplies during sieges at least make sense, even though I find them ridiculously overused. (What are the chances both that a spy would miss them and that the one or two people who always know where they are would survive the attack?) Passages that go between random rooms make no sense. Nor do passages that lead into libraries everyone knows about, or into attics where only junk is stored, or between bedrooms that could be reached by sneaking around in the open much more easily.

Think about it. It takes time and money to build secret passages, and most of them must have been built at the time the castle was constructed; surely someone would have noticed if, hundreds of years later, piles of rock were lying around in two bedrooms while a passage was built. (This is the problem I have with the “these two ancient people were lovers and built the passage between their rooms.” How, exactly?) They have to be fitted into the construction of the castle somehow, as well as kept secret. And that’s its own problem. Either the king murders the masons, or he pays them enough to shut up, or he constructs them himself—again, at enormous expense of time and money. They should have had a role to play, one that the modern characters can reason out even if they’re not exactly sure they’re right, and not just occur so that your character can escape when attacked in the library by Random Murderer #8.

Even so, won't someone notice she's missing? Won't they check up on her? Being a princess *is* a liability in some ways, you know.

Either way, a noble/royal shouldn't be walking around so easily, disguised or not. Primarily for his/her own safety.

-"“What am I doing(?)” he asked himself..."

Hmm. I'm in a bit of a rush today, so I can't say all that much. Perhaps I'll continue in another chapter.

8/17/2006 c1 1aka Providence
Written in a really great way. At first it gives me the feeling of a strategy game like final fantasy (which is a really good thing) but it slowly turned into a story that I became very interested. I like the knight commander and Kera... don't know why n_n. Anyway, great chapter and can't wait for the next chapter, though I have classes in 30 minutes T_T.

On another note; filipino ka? ako din! yay! Journalism din course ko sa college (yay ulit!) ym mo ko kng wala kang magawa: zodiac13serpent

Anyhoo... if you get the chance, read my main story; Angel's Halo 1: Devil's Rising, and review if you get the chance.

See ya!

Smoke on the water, fire in the sky...

aka Providence
8/14/2006 c1 6Taylary Daisuke
As usual, you are very descriptive of the area and setting. (Unlike me, I purposely hide the setting and era.)

By the stories I've read so far from you, your characters always seem to have some intense background history. But I must admit that for some reason your stories seem to be a little predictable. No real element of surprise. When the characters reveal themselves, I feel no momentary shock since I had already deciphered it.

Other than that, it is really good.
8/13/2006 c1 10Leninor
Hmm, interesting first chapter. In a few parts you have some spelling errors but other than that it's pretty good. Oh another thing it seemed like the other soldiers in the room were forgotten, you never said if they stayed or not, unless I just missed the part...^_^
8/13/2006 c2 16Ds14
Great descriptiveness again. Not as heavy adjective use, but you still kept your style.

“Kill me, Noir, as you have killed babes and women before. If you are a true knight, that is.” - I know the proper meaning of "babes" but it still made me laugh. Same way I laughed when you used the verb erected. :-p I'm 16, forgive me.

The chapter was well written, but pretty uneventful until the last 3 or so paragraphs. But they were pretty explosive and made me want to read the next chapter immediately. (The first chapter was like that, too. Unfortunately I get lazy and open other windows and never get to reading the chapters .)
8/12/2006 c3 Now-Closed
|D this guy's surrounded by violent women. Who, the journy begins!
8/11/2006 c3 6Kafkaman
You have an interesting idea with making humans the pure, 'unsullied' race, instead of the elves-it's usually the other way around. I'd like to see that idea fleshed out more later on.
8/11/2006 c3 1JJSLAM2129
Another excellent chapter!

I like the mixing of foreign words, particularly the German ones because I know what Schlossburg (castle city) and Silberkruez (silver cross) actually translate to! I finally know something!

You probably know this, but Shinyuki means snow heart (shin - heart, yuki - snow). Kokugama? Let's see...koku - harsh, country. gama/kama - pot in which rice is cooked... A harsh pot? The pot of a country? I dunno, I just found that funny. Not meant to sound like seething sarcasm!

As far as I can, grammar is fine. Your vocabulary is varied as well is your sentence structure. Again, I can't find anything to argue about. I only have a few questions for the story itself.

I've never really understood this in fantasy, but why do teachers always leave the task of defeating the whatever or finding the such and such to their *student*? Although this isn't aways true, teachers tend to know more tricks than they teach their students, ergo they might be a tad bit wiser, if not more powerful. Is it because Noir is of such old age that she can't defeat the Devil King or is it because Nive is the only one who can?

Why is it that Nive sounds like he could be from the 20/21 century whereas Noir could be from the middle ages? That kind of bothers me...

Anyways, update soon, please!
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