for Peer Pressure3/18/2007 c1 
6Ginne
You have a really good handle on vocabulary and I think it's cool that you have approached a topic like this, you captured it well! Just one thing (spelling)
"Sometimes their right,
And sometimes their wrong,"
Twice you type "their" when you should have "they're". Common mistake, just thought I'd point it out. Haha, I do it all the time!
6GinneYou have a really good handle on vocabulary and I think it's cool that you have approached a topic like this, you captured it well! Just one thing (spelling)
"Sometimes their right,
And sometimes their wrong,"
Twice you type "their" when you should have "they're". Common mistake, just thought I'd point it out. Haha, I do it all the time!
2/22/2007 c1 1Marie Ellen
I think this is very representative of how people feel when peer pressured, though it might be interesting to explore the other side, too-either the people who DO the peer pressuring, or from the viewpoint of someone who actually gave in to peer pressure. I liked the tight, exact rhyme scheme because it felt forced in a way that was organic to the subject of the poem-the rhymes were forced just as the person was being forced into doing things by her peers.
However, the rhymes were generally simple and didn't allow for much range of vocabulary. My poetry professor has told us that with a rhymed poem, one should be able to get a very good idea of the poem based on the rhyming words alone; if you cover up all the other words, you'll still understand what the poem's going to say. Also, when words are rhymed with another word, in our heads, the readers draw connections between those words-so there should be a reason why they're rhyming.
Here's some small grammatical things, someone might have pointed them out already:
Sometimes their right,-should be "they're"
And sometimes their wrong,-should be "they're"
But why am I feeling,-don't need a comma (you have a lot of superfluous commas)
That it’s taking to long?-should be "too"
I liked this poem, and I think it has a lot of potential. It definitely feels "real," and that's the point-make your readers relate! Well done!
(Thank you so much for all of your reviews, you have no idea how much I appreciate it!)
1Marie EllenI think this is very representative of how people feel when peer pressured, though it might be interesting to explore the other side, too-either the people who DO the peer pressuring, or from the viewpoint of someone who actually gave in to peer pressure. I liked the tight, exact rhyme scheme because it felt forced in a way that was organic to the subject of the poem-the rhymes were forced just as the person was being forced into doing things by her peers.
However, the rhymes were generally simple and didn't allow for much range of vocabulary. My poetry professor has told us that with a rhymed poem, one should be able to get a very good idea of the poem based on the rhyming words alone; if you cover up all the other words, you'll still understand what the poem's going to say. Also, when words are rhymed with another word, in our heads, the readers draw connections between those words-so there should be a reason why they're rhyming.
Here's some small grammatical things, someone might have pointed them out already:
Sometimes their right,-should be "they're"
And sometimes their wrong,-should be "they're"
But why am I feeling,-don't need a comma (you have a lot of superfluous commas)
That it’s taking to long?-should be "too"
I liked this poem, and I think it has a lot of potential. It definitely feels "real," and that's the point-make your readers relate! Well done!
(Thank you so much for all of your reviews, you have no idea how much I appreciate it!)
7/28/2006 c1 19toxic-noodle725
Hey lil ladie! muchos gracias porque las reviews!(dont know how to say reviews in spanish) so about this poem...i can definetly relate...u took the words right out of my mouth. yea i have to rhyme in my poems. cant do the whole free verse thing. dont worry about rhymes while expressing urself.see thats how i started out...i tried to rhyme so i started with simple words and just did free verses but then u kinda get the hang of rhyming so much it comes naturally...dont know if this makes sense(it did in my head)but i hope it helps u a tad bit. anyway awesome job. keep it up!
19toxic-noodle725Hey lil ladie! muchos gracias porque las reviews!(dont know how to say reviews in spanish) so about this poem...i can definetly relate...u took the words right out of my mouth. yea i have to rhyme in my poems. cant do the whole free verse thing. dont worry about rhymes while expressing urself.see thats how i started out...i tried to rhyme so i started with simple words and just did free verses but then u kinda get the hang of rhyming so much it comes naturally...dont know if this makes sense(it did in my head)but i hope it helps u a tad bit. anyway awesome job. keep it up!
7/25/2006 c1 kayttea
i liked this a lot! i could relate and was surprised at how well you made it flow with ryhmes, i can never do that =P. you should probably put a break or a dash or something between the last line and your note cause it was confuseing for a second, but otherwise this poem is awesome!
i liked this a lot! i could relate and was surprised at how well you made it flow with ryhmes, i can never do that =P. you should probably put a break or a dash or something between the last line and your note cause it was confuseing for a second, but otherwise this poem is awesome!
7/25/2006 c1 19jekodama
Wow... that was deep and impressive. I think it reflects greatly the inner struggle that everyone feels when the enviroment, that is our peers, our family, our teachers, the whole society, pushes us where we don't want to go, a place where we feel miserables, but we are too afraid to show that we are different. This piece is really touching, I really like it, and I feel completely identified with the feeling.
Until the next review!
19jekodamaWow... that was deep and impressive. I think it reflects greatly the inner struggle that everyone feels when the enviroment, that is our peers, our family, our teachers, the whole society, pushes us where we don't want to go, a place where we feel miserables, but we are too afraid to show that we are different. This piece is really touching, I really like it, and I feel completely identified with the feeling.
Until the next review!
7/24/2006 c1 Delete this account 359026
i really liked the start, but the rhymes seemed a little forced near the end... just a note that it's "they're" not "their" around the middle. but overall, awesome point made! =)
i really liked the start, but the rhymes seemed a little forced near the end... just a note that it's "they're" not "their" around the middle. but overall, awesome point made! =)