Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for IFTA

8/5/2006 c8 32The Blind Guardian
Hmm, the only one of these which is revewable (since it's somewhat longer than the others, and I have nothing to criticise. I don't really know what was meant by the word economic, but I think what you did made a god short poem. Definately an instant physical attraction was portreyed well here.

Remy
8/5/2006 c7 The Blind Guardian
hard-edged and unpleasant, just like a sudden break-up tends to be. You don't really need to make a new paragraph after things like "He paused" because in the next line, he speaks anyway.

Remy
8/5/2006 c5 The Blind Guardian
WQuite amusing, though I doubt the clowns would have anything good to say about it. Jackass or not, that's got to be hard work, and a real lesson in humility. THink about it, you're face gets splattered with pies, and heaven knows what other fluids. The old clechet "it's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it" comes to mnd. Anyone who can laugh while squittering globs of mashed fruit and whipped cream trickle down his face, while little children point and laugh is pretty impressive in my oppinion.

Remy
8/5/2006 c3 The Blind Guardian
If I am understanding correctly, the emotion is fear. Good sensery discription.
8/5/2006 c2 The Blind Guardian
I especially liked the one about the heat; remind me to stay away from wherever gets THAT hot
8/5/2006 c1 The Blind Guardian
heheh, sounds like part of a love note a boy might write a girl. Wonder what she had to say about that.

Remy
7/25/2006 c8 194Aslan Israel
Now that was brilliant! I'd like to see it polished with some well-placed commas and stuff, but it's pretty much awesome.
7/25/2006 c7 Aslan Israel
oh that's so depressing! I wish there had been a bit more description, a bit more emotion, but I know it's just an exercise. May have been more believable if the roles were reversed... i guess i don't often see guys being completely heartbroken over a breakup, cause they're the ones usually doing it... just my experiance, though. keep up the nice work!
7/25/2006 c6 Aslan Israel
God i wish we had classes like this where I live...

it's a great sentance. now write the story! :-)
7/25/2006 c5 Aslan Israel
I wish you had put more humor into it, and not just at the end. (the mental image made me smile)
7/25/2006 c4 Aslan Israel
Wonderful descriptions...

'he is all earth tones' and 'who makes you feel like he’s smiling just for you'

love it.
7/25/2006 c3 Aslan Israel
Interesting emotion to choose. I'm not sure I really liked all of the animal references, because I wasn't sure what you were going to do with them at first, but it all worked out in the end.
7/25/2006 c2 Aslan Israel
I think I felt the heat the most. i hate it so much! perfectly described, though.

For the stench, was is supposed to be rot or could you have chose anything that smells?
7/25/2006 c1 Aslan Israel
simple and sweet. I wonder whether or not you knew her personally...
7/25/2006 c5 ode to a firefly
This is hilarious! =) It made me smile, and I needed that. Thanks.

♥Christine

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service