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for Watermelon Moon

7/21/2009 c1 1tonight we bloom

Just WOW.
11/21/2007 c1 Tytherpol
"Now he’s a spectrum and she’s a recipe"

that is the best line i have read in a long time.

ack! awesome.

i have written something just like the begining of this once before, but i don't remember if i put it up here.

plus, i didn't say "pale fructose" (which is incredibly meaningful imagery, btw.)

i love the meaning in all of your imagery, actually.

i'm not sure if i understand the capitalization. could you explain it?

anyway...awesome beyond awesome poem.

yours, -ty.
8/1/2007 c1 2beyond.that.horizon
fucking. beautiful.
3/28/2007 c1 174a silenced revolution

AMAZING. I LOVE it. Sorry to be so gushy. But it's... marvelous... beautiful... fantastic... You can bet I'm favouriting it. I adore the last two lines. Please keep writing!
2/22/2007 c1 105theCoffeeEnzyme
This poem is wonderful. The imagery is splendid. The last line is particularly strong.
10/24/2006 c1 1Goddess Aurora
Well done! This poem provokes some vivid imagery.

One suggestion, you may want to separate your sentences a bit more. For example, in the first stanza, you have one long sentence and then a short one. That is kind of awkward. Also, you may want to capitalize the first word in your second stanza.
10/22/2006 c1 47Violet Marx
I absolutely love your assonance because you almost don't notice it, yet it makes the poems so much better. You do a great job with that every time.

'now he's a spectrum and she's a recipe', 'harvesting hide-and-seek peekaboos/like ice cubes.' Spectrum and recipe? Hide-and-seek peekaboos and ice cubes? Just HOW do you find these completely opposite and nonsensical (is that a word?) things but when you put them together in your poetry it sounds perfect? You make me so envious! D=

'vanilla girl with the chesire smile/ meet boy blue in worn-out shoes'. I love 'vanilla girl' and I've always liked the phrase 'chesire smile'. I also liked how you said 'boy blue' instead of 'blue boy'. 'Tonight there is a watermelon-slice moon/its juices dripping down to/ice the summer world in pale fructose/that children lick from their fingers/like the forbidden cordials/of capricious revelers.' I'm practically drooling! How DO you do that? That paints such a picture and it's so creative. I try to model my metaphors after yours, but I just can't do it! You make it sound like my poetry is so great in your reviews and you are so great at critisicm, but it just seems like you don't realize just how fantastic your writing is.
9/12/2006 c1 6FuzzyGrapes
You know, I really don't think I fully comprehend this poem. But it's really beautiful and maybe it holds a lot of answers in it ...?

I like where your wisdom is going.

9/5/2006 c1 8Written
b e a u t i f u l

for emphasis.

This was a beautiful poem. Something delicious about it and sweet and kind of alternating between cool and warm, and the awesome use of words and metaphor. Guh. This is a gorgeous poem. Thank you so much for writing this, because you made staying up late tonight worth it. Keep writing!
8/31/2006 c1 Halcyon Impulsion
This is really good and I like it a lot. Two suggestions... capitalize the first word of the second stanza, and don't use the word "children" in the last stanza (you've already got it in the first one). Just personal, picky stuff :) This is great poem though and it's lots of fun :)
8/13/2006 c1 5aurora llyria
The title startled me because it sounded like a poem I've been meaning to write...and haven't, of course, because I'm lame like that. But anyway the rest of your poem - I love it. I like the title too, and the rest did not disappoint me. It's wonderful and strangely beautiful and it doesn't make much sense but the imagery is so gorgeous. I think it's just incredible.
8/6/2006 c1 237classic violet
Omg, this just sparked my imagination. Truly truly original and just so magical and gorgeous. God, this poem is exquisite and marvelous!
8/4/2006 c1 92burning in effigy
Beautiful and different

"vanilla girl with the cheshire smile/met boy blue in worn-out shoes" i love that :)
8/4/2006 c1 37TaltushMeiMei
Wow... This is really cool, how it moves from one thing to another. The descriptions are amazing. This is really, really nice writing, very descriptive and easy to visualize. Wow...
8/4/2006 c1 56whatsapenname

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