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9/27/2006 c1 8squiggle-line

In my hating-math-haze, this is still sickeningly adorable. I don't usually read poetry because my brain doesn't handle abstract things too well and I always feel like I've missed something but...this is just so gosh darn cute! I got kind of lost at the end though...seemed a little long.

9/14/2006 c1 Strings
This is probably going to echo what was previously said here, but I'd like to say what I think so here goes.Cute idea, but the rhyming scheme is off. I think it'd be better if you fixed it up... others have already pointed examples out. Also, where you say "damn x"... that part doesn't fit with the jolly-ish atmosphere of the poem. I think you should change that, too... and it does get a bit long. But otherwise, nice.
8/14/2006 c1 the author
dear godwallop,

why are you such a douche?



p.s.: i'm all for constructive cristicism. but #1, that wasn't constructive & #2, you haven't written anything yourself.
8/11/2006 c1 godwallop
nothing good has ever come from mathematics and this poem is no exception
8/10/2006 c1 hey maria
It's cute, but this idea has been done before, and I think it was a little too long and repetitive. But even if it's not a completely original analogy, it's still a nice idea and you did write it well. I liked the rhythm of this as well. Nice job.
8/9/2006 c1 65Nemonus
Aw! That's really cute (geek/cute? :) ) and well-rhythmed. I like the wierdness factor, and a lot of the lines have good symbolism (pun not really intended) in them. The third stanza sounded a little more, well, Dr. Suess that the others. Lines I liked: "But what if y equals 0?/Then x, our forlorn little hero,/Cannot equal z all alone," and "But x is so damn precise./She won’t go for anyone nice." (which adds some layers), and "That x without y is merely a letter." and "And y would show his true colors,/I’d add their souls on line paper," (though this, possibly conencting to school and therefor math, takes the coolness down a notch by reminding me of girls writing the name of their crush all over papers.). The last line amped up the cuteness factor. Very good & fun.
8/9/2006 c1 48chocohound
oh God..I hate math. But this was a very cute little poem. It made me like math for a split second. No, scratch that...it made me love math! "Think how happy we'd be, Shouting 'x plus y equals z!'" Awesome!I love the flow and the rhyming of the poem.
8/9/2006 c1 8Red Pen Writing
"What if c joins the equation?She and y have a relation."

~Equation and relation don't rhyme.'

"If I just knew x’s number,And y would show his true colors,"

~Again, not even close to rhyming.

"I’d add their souls on line paper,Keep them right there for forever,"

~Rhyming issues again...

"But no, no more symbols,No more stupid x-variables,"

~And again...

Perhaps you see my point already. xD If you have a rhyme scheme, then work with the rhymes. Your rhyming is very weak to begin with and it sounds funny like that.

Besides that, with the letters and things you keep repeating the same thing over and over without really making a point. The x plus y equals z is good, but some of the others are too repetitious like you're going around in circles.

Along those lines, in parts of the middle verses it sounded like you had no idea what you were talking about with the equation things. Maybe that was just me, but that's what I got out of it.

I love the idea, though, so kudos for that. :)

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