Just In
for August

12/5/2006 c1 31none of burt's beeswax
oohh, i like this one. funny thing, it got me thinking, and i've never had a relationship relationship begin in august, but a couple notable ones did end in august. anyway, i really liked the idea and nice job on keeping the rhythm up throughout the poem.
9/10/2006 c1 237classic violet


Has a way of souring things.

Like the dark corners of bodies,

Like crabapples, rotting above,

Like milk,

Like you and me.

Curdled and rancid, past expiration,

It’s easy to loose that sweetness.

Soured in August."

those lines especially were magnificent, you've given august such an expression, it's lovely.
8/10/2006 c1 9alittlebitabsurd
Oh, wow, I like. Especially all the similies. Too many can be overkill, but these work, I guess because they're appropriate and original.

"coagulated Jello-air"-my favorite one

I like the form, too.

Yay. :)
8/9/2006 c1 65Nemonus
Interesting. Good words, and good rhythm too; I see that it is about a flattening romance because of the repitition "you and me", but I'm not sure. I very much like the line "Like coagulated Jello-air," and the rest of the imagery that goes with that.

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