for Smash it into Pieces8/10/2006 c1 
13shutupcharlotte
so. this poem is full of cliches. where is the uniqueness, where is your voice?
also, if you're rhyming "lips" & "hips," shouldn't "heart" & "good" also rhyme. there are no rhymes in the first stanza. yeah. i dunno. maybe you're just changing up the rhyme scheme, i do that, so nevermind.
it's got potential, don't get me wrong. good concept, based on real feelings. that's a start.
13shutupcharlotteso. this poem is full of cliches. where is the uniqueness, where is your voice?
also, if you're rhyming "lips" & "hips," shouldn't "heart" & "good" also rhyme. there are no rhymes in the first stanza. yeah. i dunno. maybe you're just changing up the rhyme scheme, i do that, so nevermind.
it's got potential, don't get me wrong. good concept, based on real feelings. that's a start.
8/10/2006 c1 hey maria
I think the first stanza was a bit unoriginal, but the second was awesome. I loved the pictured that formed in my head as I read it, and the great rhythm. Good job.
I think the first stanza was a bit unoriginal, but the second was awesome. I loved the pictured that formed in my head as I read it, and the great rhythm. Good job.