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for Sweet Serenity

6/4/2010 c6 24DecayedDreams
Nice description of: the dress, Grady

MUCH BETTER than chapter one (structure wise). Still love the plot

Just one little detail, back in the day (at least I think your story takes place back then cause you mentioned stables and castles) males and females didn't really have any physical contact with each other in public even though they may be a married. So you might just want to watch out for the way people act in different time frames
6/4/2010 c5 DecayedDreams
Your paragraphs are much better, it actually looks like a novel now instead of a bunch of lines.


what is moo? if your going to abbreviate you should say something indicating what it is first.
6/4/2010 c4 DecayedDreams
"Sarah, that our attic is not as grand as you'd like it to be", from what Serenity is telling the couple she seems like a child that had experienced poverty so having Caroline say this seems like she knows better.

Next you say that Sarah's father is a duke, my question is why didn't he just take money from his followers instead of selling her. Basically you have to keep your characters in perspective. I know it's a hard to do this but you should have an idea of your characters and not make things up as you go.

You could have a description of Caroline,expand on the attic
6/4/2010 c3 DecayedDreams
Getting better with descriptions. But I would continue working on those expand your paragraphs, because if you just look at it looks like lines of sentences. So work on your structure.
12/17/2009 c6 6L'Archange
OMG this is really cute. It has a "ELLA ENCHANTED" feel to it in that the language is modern but the world is old. I really like it and enjoy the ease with which you write your dialogue and character behaviours. Update soon?
6/25/2009 c6 6sooner or later its over
no it was good :)
6/12/2009 c6 Obsession Changes Things
This story is really good so far. Can't wait till you update.

6/11/2009 c6 49Siberian-Tigress
I love this story! It's an intresting take on princessdom =] Keep it up.

6/11/2009 c1 wildstargazer
This story sounds totally interesting! I can't wait to read more. I love the names you used (are using?) and how you tie in all the old fairy tale stories and all the lineages. Can't wait to read more!

5/31/2009 c5 15Pinnacle of Pan
Aw! This story is so cute! I have one question though:

The seers said that she had the power to choose who she fell in love with (or something like that) but she didn't exactly choose to fall in love with Domenic. Could thet just not see that she was going to fall in love with him because he was a fairy guardian or did she subcontiously deside to fall in love with him? Or am I reading the story wrong and miss something obvious?
10/19/2008 c2 atreyu love
ohh. so maybe the girl the prince is with

is actually his intended!
7/18/2008 c2 24DecayedDreams
The way you started seemed like a continuation rather then a new chapter I'd put something at the top to tell the readers this is something new. You have a lot of dialog but not enough descriptions, and it seems really rushed. yeah I have to agree that the princess is really spoiled, but you know because she's a princess maybe you could soften up her language a bit, she seems like a tomboy to me. She needs to be more formal, I mean she is a princess.
5/25/2008 c5 Cashaholic
interesting, and very very... different. Really nice, so update soon, yea?
5/18/2008 c6 5Chris Rhyanne
Very good, very good. there are a few punctuation errors and...

you repeated one of the chapters. 0:) So... You might want to fix that, and I'm hoping to read ch6 soon.
5/18/2008 c6 TheTrueBlue41728

I've read this before.
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