for If You Loved Me Enough1/5/2007 c3 Fellow Reviewer
No offense really but I agree with what you said in your profile, your writing is elementary. In 'If You Loved Me Enough', Leanna is an amusing character but I think she's border-line Mary Sue. How she can speak multiple languages, is gorgeous, and have a popular guy like her?. I think that using 'tis' is just over the top and very unrealistic.
Are you trying to incorporate alliteration into Adam's name? To put it bluntly... it's corny. (I'm not flaming, but this is the way I do constructive criticism)
For Brenden, he's just TOO perfect. I'm not saying I want him to be the happy popular guy in school and angsty cutter at home, but he just seems so, how shall I put this, plastic and cliche.
I like your use of vocabulary, but there's this tiny error in the first chapter that I caught, it is supposed to be 'INCREDULOUSLY'. And when Leanna talks the way she does, it just seems too fake. I know you are trying to give her a personality of the "nerd" sorts, but by gosh! It's just too funny 'cause it's not that believable.
And to go from "never-gonna-go-out-with-that-nerd" to "jealous-almost-boyfriend" is just ridiculous.
Nice use of the translating internet sites by the way.
No offense really but I agree with what you said in your profile, your writing is elementary. In 'If You Loved Me Enough', Leanna is an amusing character but I think she's border-line Mary Sue. How she can speak multiple languages, is gorgeous, and have a popular guy like her?. I think that using 'tis' is just over the top and very unrealistic.
Are you trying to incorporate alliteration into Adam's name? To put it bluntly... it's corny. (I'm not flaming, but this is the way I do constructive criticism)
For Brenden, he's just TOO perfect. I'm not saying I want him to be the happy popular guy in school and angsty cutter at home, but he just seems so, how shall I put this, plastic and cliche.
I like your use of vocabulary, but there's this tiny error in the first chapter that I caught, it is supposed to be 'INCREDULOUSLY'. And when Leanna talks the way she does, it just seems too fake. I know you are trying to give her a personality of the "nerd" sorts, but by gosh! It's just too funny 'cause it's not that believable.
And to go from "never-gonna-go-out-with-that-nerd" to "jealous-almost-boyfriend" is just ridiculous.
Nice use of the translating internet sites by the way.
1/5/2007 c20 
3jenesoispas
lol okayy aaww hilary! this was such a sweet chapter! :D lol umm was the ring the one you showed me? you really should post links here so that the people can see for themselves all the lovely things. and also you must've done ALOT of research for this chapter! =) lol
btw.. Ms Li? lol qui est elle? lol also, have you talked about brenden's brother yet? i cant quite remember if you have tell me which chap it was? :D lol and yeah thats it, this really is such a good story! =D i think it's probably the most well thought out of all your stories :D ;)
3jenesoispaslol okayy aaww hilary! this was such a sweet chapter! :D lol umm was the ring the one you showed me? you really should post links here so that the people can see for themselves all the lovely things. and also you must've done ALOT of research for this chapter! =) lol
btw.. Ms Li? lol qui est elle? lol also, have you talked about brenden's brother yet? i cant quite remember if you have tell me which chap it was? :D lol and yeah thats it, this really is such a good story! =D i think it's probably the most well thought out of all your stories :D ;)
1/5/2007 c19 jenesoispas
what? no subway stairs? =) i see that she has awfully frail ankles just like you! lol =D that was really sweet though hilary... you should find a pic of how you picture leanna/harmony looks like =D
what? no subway stairs? =) i see that she has awfully frail ankles just like you! lol =D that was really sweet though hilary... you should find a pic of how you picture leanna/harmony looks like =D
1/5/2007 c13 jenesoispas
OKAY I HAVE TOTALLY FIGURED OUT EVERYONE! destiny is moi of course =) the coolest one ;) and roxanne is rachel, chantelle is sanjana and gennifer is YINING! :D right? i'm right right? of course i am right anyways yepp i'm re-reading your WHOLE story well not all of it... just from this chapter on :D
OKAY I HAVE TOTALLY FIGURED OUT EVERYONE! destiny is moi of course =) the coolest one ;) and roxanne is rachel, chantelle is sanjana and gennifer is YINING! :D right? i'm right right? of course i am right anyways yepp i'm re-reading your WHOLE story well not all of it... just from this chapter on :D
1/5/2007 c22 xonea
great chapter.Really Nice. =D
and its a bit weird that Braden doesnt believe her...
great chapter.Really Nice. =D
and its a bit weird that Braden doesnt believe her...
12/30/2006 c21 6swoas
i'm so happy u updated and that he's still true to her but i really am afraid that the guy is going to come back
6swoasi'm so happy u updated and that he's still true to her but i really am afraid that the guy is going to come back
12/24/2006 c21 xonea
who is Josh again? was he mentioned in any of the previous chapters? i guess i'll check!
=D
so they are back to school!
interesting!
who is Josh again? was he mentioned in any of the previous chapters? i guess i'll check!
=D
so they are back to school!
interesting!
12/22/2006 c21 moneeba1221
aw i recently came across this sotry and i reall love it!
i cant wait to find out the rest of there love sstory and what is happening in the present for them, like why she wantsa ot leave him, what exactly hes odne wrong and who the other guy is!
please update soon, i am loving your story!
x
aw i recently came across this sotry and i reall love it!
i cant wait to find out the rest of there love sstory and what is happening in the present for them, like why she wantsa ot leave him, what exactly hes odne wrong and who the other guy is!
please update soon, i am loving your story!
x
12/12/2006 c20 Sexy Vampirechick
Hey,great story.I've been so busy with school work lately,I've been pausing on all the stories I'm reading.But now I'm back in action.I love your story.It's so romantic.It's like Leanna and Brenden were meant for each other,I wish my love life could be like that(someday)..o can't wait for the next chapter.
Hey,great story.I've been so busy with school work lately,I've been pausing on all the stories I'm reading.But now I'm back in action.I love your story.It's so romantic.It's like Leanna and Brenden were meant for each other,I wish my love life could be like that(someday)..o can't wait for the next chapter.
12/8/2006 c16 christineee
in this chapter you put "tengo una tarjeto del oro" its actully "de oro". just thought id let you know
in this chapter you put "tengo una tarjeto del oro" its actully "de oro". just thought id let you know
12/6/2006 c20 iiHEARTyuu
OH MYY FREAKKINGG GOSHH !
that is thaa CUTEST chapter EVER !
FREAKK MANNSS !
if a guyy done that for me ii would CRY ! lolss ..
it`s SO CUTEE !
farr out manns ..
ii went like, teary !
i LOVE this storyy !
BRENDEN ROCKSS ! =D
he`s so CUTE !
they`re a cute couple ! =D
update soon ! =D
OH MYY FREAKKINGG GOSHH !
that is thaa CUTEST chapter EVER !
FREAKK MANNSS !
if a guyy done that for me ii would CRY ! lolss ..
it`s SO CUTEE !
farr out manns ..
ii went like, teary !
i LOVE this storyy !
BRENDEN ROCKSS ! =D
he`s so CUTE !
they`re a cute couple ! =D
update soon ! =D
12/2/2006 c20 graydrizzle
wow! i love this story! read in one sitting. im surprised u dont have thousands of reviews. this story deserves so much more praise and recognition. omg, i just love brenden and leanna/harmony! this is definitely gonna be one of my favorite fictionpress stories now. keep up for creative and amazing work. im not even going urge u to hurry up to post, u just take ur time with the next chapter, and without a doubt im sure all the readers will love it!
wow! i love this story! read in one sitting. im surprised u dont have thousands of reviews. this story deserves so much more praise and recognition. omg, i just love brenden and leanna/harmony! this is definitely gonna be one of my favorite fictionpress stories now. keep up for creative and amazing work. im not even going urge u to hurry up to post, u just take ur time with the next chapter, and without a doubt im sure all the readers will love it!